I urged him to divulge the secrets of his two hidden chambers of horrors to his parents, but this he is loath to do. Why then had he shown them to me? I pointed out that it would be ethically correct for me to warn the family of the unknown dangers, seeing as how the old bones and antique television, if indeed it is a television, warrant health and fire risks respectively. He called my bluff on this, and he is right. I should not like to betray his confidence at this stage in the proceedings. The patient’s recovery is ninety per cent his own making but the analyst must provide—solidly—the other ten per cent. After all, the Snoxells have survived well enough in their house up to now. In exhibiting to me his “skeletons in the cupboard” and his ghoulish gimcracks, he has made himself more anxious than me. His torpor is not that of a procrastinator, but serves instead to mask a multitude of seething emotions. The death wish and doom-laden feelings are only treatable in the short term with drugs, which I feel would be a cop-out. I have chosen to focus my attentions on the anxiety, for which the prognosis is good as I have had great success in helping people to relax more and be at ease in their relationship with life. It is frustratingly complicated to precisely define Nat’s overall mood, although I can tell how he is when I am with him.

On days when he feels “better” and I ask him where all his death thoughts have gone, he is understandably reluctant to apply himself to such a disturbing question, whereas on other days the outlook for him seems unalterably bleak.

FRI FEB 1

I have just conducted the first primal therapy session with Nat, at my house. I didn’t take it too far, as it was his initiation into a world we shall be extensively exploring together. First came the relaxation process which, as he noted, was the same as in hypnosis. I encouraged him to use this technique whenever he feels troubled, but I can’t fully treat his anxiety unless he is willing. Next I placed my hand on his stomach. I was quite shocked at just how rapidly he assumed the foetal position. He was alarmed too at the new state of being into which he found himself so suddenly hurled. I maintained a calm verbal contact and brought him out of the experience within the hour.

Afterwards we discussed what had happened. He seemed very excited and described quite eloquently the phenomenon of dual consciousness. I explained that whilst he didn’t remember being in his mother’s womb as such, his body had perfect recall and could therefore trigger recollections in his mind. In essence, he was for the duration of the session both a foetus and an eighteen-year-old, with equal access to both spheres. He greatly relished this concept; clearly it was the most enlivening experience he’d had for some time. When I was fully satisfied that he had understood what had happened, and that he was firmly restored to his eighteen-year-old world, I took Nat back to his home. I explained to his mother what we had been doing. She couldn’t conceive of all it had entailed, perhaps due to embarrassment over so revealing a form of curative treatment; one that also by its very nature necessarily involved her.