CHASUBLE: But you have handed me a Bradshaw. (Looks at it.) Of 1869, I observe. A book of considerable antiquarian interest: but not in any way bearing on the question of the names usually conferred on Generals at baptism.

CECILY: I am so sorry, Uncle Jack. But Generals don’t seem to be even alluded to in the ‘History of our own times’, although it is the best edition. The one written in collaboration with the type-writing machine.

MISS PRISM: To me, Mr. Moncrieff, you have given two copies of the Price Lists of the Civil Service Stores. I do not find Generals marked anywhere. There seems to be either no demand or no supply.

LADY BRACKNELL: This treatise, ‘The Green Carnation’, as I see it is called, seems to be a book about the culture of exotics. It contains no reference to Generals in it. It seems a morbid and middle-class affair.

JACK (very irritable indeed): Good Heavens! And what nonsense are you reading, Algy? (Takes book from him.) The Army List? Well, I don’t suppose you knew it was the Army List. And you have got it open at the wrong page. Besides, there is the thing staring you in the face. M. Generals…Malam – what ghastly names they have – Markby, Migsby, Mobbs, Moncrieff, Moncrieff! Lieutenant 1840, Captain, Lieutenant-Colonel, Colonel, General 1860. Christian names, Ernest John. (Puts book quietly down and speaks quite calmly.) I always told you Gwendolen, my name was Ernest, didn’t I? Well, it is Ernest after all. I mean it naturally is Ernest.

LADY BRACKNELL: Yes, I remember now that the General was called Ernest. I knew I had some particular reason for disliking the name. Come, Gwendolen. (Goes out.)

GWENDOLEN: Ernest! My own Ernest! I felt from the first that you could have no other name!

JACK: Gwendolen, it is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. Can you forgive me?

GWENDOLEN: I can. For I feel that you are sure to change.

JACK: My own one!

CHASUBLE (to MISS PRISM): Laetitia! (Embraces her.)

MISS PRISM (enthusiastically): Frederick! At last!

ALGERNON: Cecily! (Embraces her.) At last!

JACK: Gwendolen! (Embraces her.) At last!

Enter LADY BRACKNELL.

LADY BRACKNELL: I have missed the last train! – My nephew, you seem to be displaying signs of triviality.

JACK: On the contrary, Aunt Augusta, I’ve now realised for the first time in my life the vital Importance of Being Earnest.

TABLEAU

CURTAIN

Lady Windermere’s Fan

The Persons of the Play

LORD WINDERMERE.

LORD DARLINGTON

LORD AUGUSTUS LORTON

MR. DUMBY

MR. CECIL GRAHAM

MR. HOPPER

PARKER, BUTLER

LADY WINDERMERE

THE DUCHESS OF BERWICK

LADY AGATHA CARLISLE

LADY PLYMDALE

LADY STUTFIELD

LADY JEDBURGH

MRS. COWPER-COWPER

MRS. ERLYNNE

ROSALIE, MAID

ACT ONE