SCENE: Morning-room of Lord Windermere’s house in Carlton House Terrace, London. The action of the play takes place within twenty-four hours, beginning on a Tuesday afternoon at five o’clock, and ending the next day at 1.30 p.m. TIME: The present. Doors C. and R. Bureau with books and papers R. Sofa with small tea-table L. Window opening on to terrace L. Table R.

LADY WINDERMERE is at table R., arranging roses in a blue bowl.

Enter PARKER.

PARKER: Is your ladyship at home this afternoon?

LADY WINDERMERE: Yes – who has called?

PARKER: Lord Darlington, my lady.

LADY WINDERMERE (hesitates for a moment): Show him up – and I’m at home to any one who calls.

PARKER: Yes, my lady. (Exit C.)

LADY WINDERMERE: It’s best for me to see him before to-night. I’m glad he’s come.

Enter PARKER C.

PARKER: Lord Darlington.

Enter LORD DARLINGTON C. Exit PARKER.

LORD DARLINGTON: How do you do, Lady Windermere?

LADY WINDERMERE: How do you do, Lord Darlington? No, I can’t shake hands with you. My hands are all wet with these roses. Aren’t they lovely? They came up from Selby this morning.

LORD DARLINGTON: They are quite perfect. (Sees a fan lying on the table.) And what a wonderful fan! May I look at it?

LADY WINDERMERE: Do. Pretty, isn’t it? It’s got my name on it, and everything. I have only just seen it myself. It’s my husband’s birthday present to me. You know to-day is my birthday?

LORD DARLINGTON: No? Is it really?

LADY WINDERMERE: Yes, I’m of age to-day. Quite an important day in my life, isn’t it? That is why I am giving this party to-night. Do sit down. (Still arranging flowers.)

LORD DARLINGTON: (sitting down): I wish I had known it was your birthday, Lady Windermere. I would have covered the whole street in front of your house with flowers for you to walk on. They are made for you. (A short pause.)

LADY WINDERMERE: Lord Darlington, you annoyed me last night at the Foreign Office. I am afraid you are going to annoy me again.

LORD DARLINGTON: I, Lady Windermere?

Enter PARKER and FOOTMAN C, with tray and tea things.

LADY WINDERMERE: Put it there, Parker. That will do. (Wipes her hands with her pocket-handkerchief, goes to tea-table L., and sits down.) Won’t you come over, Lord Darlington?

Exit PARKER C.

LORD DARLINGTON (takes chair and goes across L.C.): I am quite miserable, Lady Windermere. You must tell me what I did. (Sits down at table L.)

LADY WINDERMERE: Well, you kept paying me elaborate compliments the whole evening.

LORD DARLINGTON (smiling): Ah, nowadays we are all of us so hard up, that the only pleasant things to pay are compliments. They’re the only things we can pay.