I had no idea what he was talking about, but his words seemed to mean something to her.

“Let me get a pencil, just in case they come—”

“We’re in America,” he said. “Look, Monica is here. No one is coming for us.”

She turned to face me. Her eyes were wide. As they searched my face, they gradually relaxed. She smiled weakly, and I tried to smile back.

“Monica,” she said, in her old familiar tone, without any of the earlier tremble.

I asked if her hand was okay. She nodded slowly.

“I think a nap might help,” she decided. I helped her remove her apron. She left the kitchen, heading up the stairs.

“What was that about?” I demanded once she was gone. “Is this . . . Has this been happening all summer?”

Grandfather took his time running a sponge under warm water, wringing it out, wiping the oil splatter on the stove with it. He rubbed carefully, as if it took all his concentration.

“More or less,” he said.

“I’m staying home this semester. I’ll stay with you and help grandmother.”

His wiping became even slower. Then his arms dropped to his sides.

“If you really want to,” he said softly, “I won’t say no.”

I could not speak. That he had not protested, that he had not brought up anything about the importance of an education or making friends—it was as much of an admission of defeat as he would ever give.

Later, in the safety of my room, I texted Louise back.

thanks, I really appreciate it. I’m planning to take next semester off, so we’ll have to delay hanging out

Would we really have spent time together if I had returned to school? It was true that our schools were not far apart. I rarely left the bubble of campus though. Even trips to Philadelphia, advertised as a short twenty-minute train ride away, were unusual. A drive to New Jersey would be at least twice as long, and require a car. And she was not going to drive to me. It was a fantasy that never would have happened. Staying at home was really no loss.

She replied sooner than I would have liked.

okay I know this isnt really my place to say

but

have you talked to anyone? I might be totally wrong, but it feels like youre processing in a mechanical way. like doing things you can control. even if theyre not in your best interest

tell me to stop and I will!