😞: she is getting worse and I miss you but I don’t know if I should and it’s only going to get harder here. she can barely move on her own and I miss her, even though she’s still here, and I have never been surer of myself yet also more alone

I deleted the draft. Then I began looking up flights to Shanghai.

Chapter 33

From the Reforged pencil of Wong Yun

I set out to explain myself to you. To tell you my story from my perspective in the hope that you would forgive me. Now that I have your forgiveness, I find myself unsure of how to end this letter to you.

I was surprised though also relieved to hear the optimism in your message and what you saw in both Edward and Louise, that perhaps these stories may have a use, after all. So let me leave you with a bit of optimism, and my own message for you, which really comes from Torou, the man who is the greatest fortune I did not deserve, the awkward soup boy turned best grandfather, and in the middle, the steadfast partner who helped me in every way.

There was an afternoon when it was just me and him in the hospital. He was nibbling on a cookie, and I was trying to write. Neither of us found our tasks satisfying, so we ended up staring out the window, at the lamppost in the emptying parking lot, already dark, the sun setting so early in these Boston winters.

I took his hand. After all these years, he still wears a watch every day. I unclasped it from his wrist.

“Four oh-five,” I said. “You have until four fifteen to tell me everything you’re thinking.”

He laughed, shaking his head. But he obliged. He told me about all the preparations Monica was doing at home. At 4:07 he told me that Edward was coming back. He asked if we had been too hard on him, a question we’ve asked each other so many times. At 4:09 he told me he did not think Edward would return if it were not for me. Not because of my illness, but because I was the one he loved. He insisted Edward had left because of him, the difficult father, and that he would do better this time. He was grateful for this second chance.

At 4:12 he said the sun really sets too early these days. But that there is nothing quite like a New England sunset in the winter.

And at 4:14 he said that for all of our suffering in this life, he hoped to still find me in our next one.