I started to pace, to work some blood through my limbs. Sure, he could stay calm and collected because he was right—they had been through worse as immigrants. They had lost their home and their families. But I had not.

He shrugged off his overcoat. Though he was a tall man, he looked so small sitting in the blue padded chair of the ER in his threadbare pajamas. He handed his coat to me.

“Get some fresh air,” he said.

“What if they come back with an update?”

“I can talk to them.”

“No, I need to be here too—”

“You won’t be of any help in your state. Go outside.”

I took his coat.

Outside, the air cut into my lungs. I leaned against the wall. There was somebody else there, not too far down, doing the same, smoking. I buried my head in grandfather’s coat, breathing in the sandalwood scent of him, attempting to override the smell of cigarette smoke.

“You okay?” the smoker asked.

“Yeah,” I said automatically, a stupid answer, since I was obviously very much not okay.

“You have someone you can talk to?”

How very Boston of him, I thought, to suggest a solution that did not involve himself. He was right though. He could not talk me through anything, but perhaps a friend could.

are you awake?

Immediately after sending the message, I regretted it. It was well past midnight. She would not see it until she woke the next day, and she would see my desperation.

And then my phone was ringing.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Why are you awake?” My breath puffed in front of me, even if my voice did not shake this time.

“My brother and my mom are fighting downstairs. I was eavesdropping. Is something wrong?”

I swallowed. I caught the smoker glancing at me and buried my face farther in grandfather’s jacket.

“Monica?”

“I’m at the hospital,” I said finally.

“What? What happened? Your grandparents—”

“She fell down the stairs. Her neck was bent. She couldn’t speak. We’re waiting. I can’t take all of this waiting. I need to know if she will be okay or if I will be alone. I need her to be okay, because I can’t be alone—I can’t—”

“You’re not alone—”