‘Mama?’ Tiny hands tug at me, and I pull myself up from the kitchen table, blinking in the bright light. My spine cries out as I stretch, muscles and bone untwisting from the slumped position I must have fallen into as I slept, and for one horrible moment I feel groggy and disorientated, my mouth patchy and dry from the painkillers I took.

‘Allie? Al?’ Rav appears in the kitchen doorway, awkward as the baby begins squirming and squawking in his arms.

The sight of him, his dear, familiar face, his black hair tousled with sleep, and the fading six pack of his youth that has merged into the tiniest of paunches that peeps over the waistband of his pyjama bottoms is enough for me to shake the last vestiges of unease left by the dream. He watches me pull Mina up onto my lap, her chubby two-year-old fingers reaching up to pat my face as I try to blink away the exhaustion. ‘I woke up and you weren’t there. Leo needs feeding

… I changed him but …’ he gives a tiny apologetic shrug and I think I see a hint of irritation flit across his features.

I kiss Mina on the top of her head before sliding her back down onto the floor and holding my arms out for the baby.

‘Are you OK?’ Rav’s face creases slightly in concern and I wonder if I imagined that shadow of annoyance. I turn my face away and concentrate on latching the baby on properly.

‘I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there.’

‘I couldn’t sleep,’ I say, reluctant to expand on anything in front of Mina, who tugs at Rav’s pyjama leg as he switches on the kettle. ‘Mina, leave Daddy. Hang on a sec and I’ll get you some breakfast.’

‘I would do it, Al, but I’m late already. The traffic will be a nightmare.’ I feel a twinge of guilt at not being there when Leo woke, and I smile up at Rav as he pours himself a mug of coffee.

‘It’s fine. Don’t worry. Mina can hang on until Leo finishes. I can manage. You’d better go and get ready – are you in court today?’ Envy pierces my breast for a single fleeting moment, at the thought of Rav, in his gown and wig, striding into court to deal with another hardened

criminal. It’s not the criminals so much that I’m envious of, rather the idea of spending time with other adults. The idea of busyness, that doesn’t revolve around nappies and nap time.

‘Not today. We’re still preparing.’ Rav gives me a long look before checking his watch. ‘Shit, I need a shower.’ He thuds out of the kitchen, ruffling Mina’s hair as he goes.