‘Pretty shit,’ I say into his shirt, as he kisses the top of my head. ‘Amanda’s pregnant.’

‘Oh?’ Rupert slides a hand under my shirt, as he traces a line of kisses along my jaw and down to my neck. Despite the shot of desire that makes my knees weak, I place a hand on his elbow to stop him. It feels weirdly wrong, when we are surrounded by Caro’s things, her perfume staining the air.

‘We’ve never talked about it, have we? About starting a family. I don’t even know how you feel about children.’ Now is his chance to tell me about Caro. I wait, turning to the clothes on the bed, pretending to fold them.

‘I, ahh…’ Rupert runs a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know how I feel really, I haven’t ever thought about it much.’

‘Really?’ I turn back to him, my arms folded across my chest. ‘Not once? You never thought about maybe turning this room into a nursery?’

‘No. Emily, what is this about? Have you suddenly decided you desperately want a baby or something? Because, not being funny, you’ve never mentioned it either.’

He’s not going to mention it. ‘Sadie told me about Caro.’ I watch his face as a whole range of emotions flicker across it; fear, anger, and then finally sadness. ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was pregnant when she died, Rupert?’

‘What was I supposed to say?’ He finally raises his eyes to mine. ‘Don’t you think it was hard enough to tell you how she died? I wanted to tell you but…’

‘But you didn’t,’ I say, flatly. ‘I had to find out from Sadie like some sort of idiot, who doesn’t even know who she’s married to.’

‘God, Em, please don’t be like that.’ Rupert moves towards me, but I hold up a hand.

‘I felt like a fool, Rupert. I’m sorry, but I did. You should have told me.’

‘It was too hard, OK?’ Rupert almost shouts the words, and I feel something in me crumple. Maybe I’m being unreasonable. Cruel, even. ‘I couldn’t tell you because it was too hard. It was bad enough telling you she killed herself – what would you have thought of me if I told you that life with me was so unbearable she took our child with her?’

A single tear tracks its way down his cheek before he walks from the room, slamming the door closed behind him leaving me standing alone in a room filled with his dead wife’s things, wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

Chapter Twenty-Three