Salamander’s is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I watch Sadie and Amanda closely, making sure that I don’t slip up and do anything to embarrass myself, always conscious that fitting in is a full-time job by itself. Feeling myself getting tipsy, I excuse myself from the dance floor and head to the bar, asking the barman for a soda water. As I slide onto a barstool, trying not to gawp at the lizard-inspired décor now that I have a moment to myself, I notice Rupert and Amanda at the far end of the bar, heads angled close together as they talk. I feel remarkably less annoyed at Rupert now – I haven’t forgiven him for not mentioning that Caro worked at The Children’s Trust, not by a long shot – but the booze has settled in my veins, making me feel less spiky. He probably didn’t say anything because, like Sadie said, he knew it would make me feel awkward. I feel a sudden rush of love for him, and slide from the bar stool. I totter along towards them, careful not to spill my drink, until I am standing close enough to catch the odd word of their conversation.

‘… Angus Beaton,’ Amanda is saying. Her mouth is downturned, and she raises her glass in a jabbing motion towards Rupert. Rupert is replying, and I step forward, my hand poised to tap him on the shoulder.

‘… and wrong, somehow. Em isn’t Caro, she never will be.’ Rupert’s words reach my ears and it’s like I’ve been drenched with a bucket of cold water. I step forward, my stomach churning.

‘Everything OK, you two?’ I say brightly, looking from one to the other.

‘Absolutely dandy,’ Rupert says, in that fake posh way he puts on sometimes in front of his friends. His hand slides around my waist and then down to rest on my bum and I resist the urge to pull away.

‘Amanda, is everything OK?’ I press, as Amanda knocks back the rest of her drink and avoids my eye. ‘You two looked very intense, you weren’t arguing, were you?’

‘No. God, no, of course not,’ Rupert says, ‘just catching up. Are you OK, darling?’

‘I need another drink. Excuse me, Emily, won’t you?’ Amanda turns, swaying slightly on her heels, before heading towards the bar, her empty glass clutched tightly in one hand. I look up at Rupert, drinking in his features, my heart lurching in my chest as I hear his words again. That I’m not Caro and never will be.

‘Rupert, is that true? Is everything all right between you two? It looked as though… well, Amanda didn’t look very happy.’