Two letters—I was so glad to hear my name at mail call at camp—and both from you. But I was devastated when I read your most recent note. I am so sorry. I can handle my own pain but I can’t handle yours. It just tears me up that you are there hurting and I am so far away, useless to you. I know it’s not much, but there’s a chance he’s alive, and you need to hold onto that hope. I remember how your eyes always lit up when you spoke about Jack, and I just know I’ll get to meet him one day. He is just a kid, I feel like we’re all just kids, and it’s some of what makes me so angry now. I don’t want to be here anymore, baby, I don’t want to risk this chance of happiness that we have together, but I don’t know any way out either. I just have to finish this deployment and see if I can get a discharge. I know we haven’t talked about it much, but I had a lot of time to think on the ship over here and I’d like to picture us on a farm together—you and me—with kids, raising cattle and pigs and growing—I don’t know—pumpkins. Does that sound like something you’d like to do?

The mail’s not going to be so regular here with everything going on but still write as much as you can. I’m not meant to give any details in my letters, which is why they sound a little vague, but I am not in danger and things are going well for us. It is hot—hotter than anywhere I’ve ever been—and our uniforms are just crazy in this heat. Next time you see me I’ll be black as a native, at least until you take off my shirt.

Just writing those words has sent me into delirious daydreams, sweetheart, but I won’t tell you everything. I’ll show you next time I see you.

Sending you all my love and wishing you didn’t have to go through this. Tell your family how sorry I am. Tell Fred that your mom and dad need him there.

Yours and yours only,

Roy

Dear R,

Your letter has been the only bright spot in these last weeks—the only time I smiled was thinking of you taking off your shirt. There is no sense to this world which tries to keep us apart. I can’t make heads or tails of it.