It was that last sentence of Zella’s that rang in Vera’s ears long after she’d said goodbye to her, handed her the empty glass, and made her way back to her own house. It rang in her ears, and stayed lodged in her mind for weeks after that conversation. We still talk on the phone from time to time. And when the weather turned and the snow began to fall, and Vera called Vivian to ask what Charlotte might like for Christmas, Vivian was in one of her moods. She mentioned “all Charlotte’s high school joining,” which Vera’d thought she’d have been proud of.

“Well, good for her!”

But that just made Vivian even madder.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t have kids.”

Vivian may as well have smacked Vera right in the face.

So, on December fifteenth, Zella Johnson was practically salivating as she asked the telephone operator in Wooster to connect her to her cousin Betty Miller’s number. She’d just heard the juiciest gossip from her neighbor up there in Akron.

Chapter 51

Vera hadn’t written all that in the notepad, of course. She couldn’t have even if she’d wanted to, which she hadn’t. With her partial paralysis and overall weakened condition, it’d taken half a day and all of her strength just to get the important bits down on both sides of one page.

Vivy,

I can’t say that I’d ever have admitted this if it hadn’t been for this damned stroke. It’s funny what it’s done to my mind. I’m still all in here, and even though half of me’s asleep it’s like my brain’s been shook up and shaken out. The things I did right, from the ones I didn’t. And what I did to you just wasn’t right. And I didn’t even know it then, how bad it would hurt you, mess up your life.

I told somebody what I knew about Eddie and his first wife. I told somebody I knew wouldn’t keep it to herself and I knew who she’d tell. I guess in my mind, the way it was at the time, I thought it would serve you right. Cut you down to size a little. I thought everything always went your way. It was jealousy. Just real small-minded jealousy. You being the pretty one, and Pawpy’s favorite, and always getting what you wanted. I will tell you now, I feel a lot of shame about it all!

You’d think me being stuck here now in this bed I’d be even sorer about things. Oh, poor me! But, it’s strange. It’s not like that. I’d like to be able to feel the left side of my body, and be able to get up out of this bed without help, but I think it’s God’s way of showing me how good I had it. And, maybe I messed that up, not appreciating it more, you know? Or maybe the stroke messed up my brain more than I understand. But, I sure did mess up with you, and you gotta believe I’m sorry about it. Really and truly sorry. I never thought it would turn out this bad. I know we’ve always had our troubles, you and me, but I do love you, Vivy. And if I take a turn for the worse, I need for you to know that I do, and if I could take it all back, what I did, I’d do it.