He opened his eyes, heat and something akin to anguish simmering there behind his glasses. “I can’t do that.”

She released a breath—one she felt like she’d been holding since Ash had arrived back in town. “I keep trying to ignore it. I mean, you’re Ash. I’m not supposed to think those kinds of things about you. You’re the friend I used to confide in when I had crushes on boys, not the boy I crushed on.”

His eyes creased at the corner in a barely there wince.

“But here we are, and those thoughts are there, and I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling.” She met his stare. “This wanting.”

He shook his head but seemed to be having an argument more with himself than her. “We’re going to fuck this up,” he said, voice hoarse. “We’re going to mess it up, and I don’t want to destroy our friendship again. I can’t go through that a second time.”

She stepped closer, her heart beating so fast it hurt, and slid her palms beneath his shirt and onto his waist. His skin was hot against her palms, and a tremor of desire went through her. She wanted Ash. It felt both completely foreign and oddly familiar at the same time. “What if we give each other our word?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “On what?”

“We won’t let sex mess this up,” she said. “I know you’re leaving. I know this will just be rebound sex for you. We both understand this is temporary.” She let her arms loop around his hips. “I’m good with temporary. When you leave, this part ends, but we’ll wish each other well and stay friends. I’m one hundred percent capable of that if you are. This won’t be like the last time. We’re not kids anymore.”

Ash reached up and cupped the side of her jaw, his gaze serious. “You’re selling yourself short again.”

She couldn’t concentrate with his nearness and the heat of his hand pressing so close to her throat. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t give me that kind of pass. You’re not rebound sex to me,” he said, voice firm. “If we do this, I need you to hear that. Yes, it’ll be temporary, but this isn’t random, KC. This attraction.” He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, making heat pool low and fast in her belly. “It’s very, very specific. You’re driving me fucking mad I want you so much.”

Her body pulsed with need at the fervor in his words.

“I’m not craving sex.” His hand slid to the back of her neck and squeezed. “I’m craving you. Only you.”

She closed her eyes, an electric shiver working its way through her. “I hear you.”

“Good.” The word was only a whisper against her ear, but she felt the change in Ash’s body, the shift in the air around them. They’d both said yes. She was free to touch and be touched by him.

But fingers of panic gripped her muscles, freezing her in place. Usually with guys, she was completely comfortable taking the lead, being the one in charge in the bedroom. She did the flirting. She led the game. At this point with any other guy, she’d already be tugging off his shirt or starting a striptease of her own. But right now, she felt no motivation to be coy or play games. This was Ash. He’d see right through all that silly playacting. She’d lost the script for how to do this with someone who knew her as well as Ash did.