‘As we’re all here, Ms Yvonne, we were wondering if we could make a request for the children to be read more of the classic fairy tales they all love at home.’ Weather Mum smiled round the room.

Yvonne’s face remained impassive. ‘We do not believe in reading children horror stories.’

Weather Mum looked startled. ‘That’s not what I . . . Ms Yvonne, we are talking about fairy tales. You know, all the favourite classics like Cinderella or—’

‘Cinderella?’ Yvonne cut her off. ‘I cannot support a political story re-imposing beliefs of “us” and “them”.’

Weather Mum frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Cinderella is an allegorical depiction of how we treat immigrants. She’s the invisible help maligned and living in rags and doing all the work no one else wants to. The Prince symbolises benefits and the help that our great country can offer. Yet in order to receive it the needy are forced to dance around numerous bureaucratic applications and only if the glass slipper fits, if they tick all the boxes, can they be fully assimilated into the United Kingdom.’

‘Right,’ said Weather Mum.

‘But what about Sleeping Beauty?’ asked Felix’s mum. ‘My son loves that one, even though it’s about a princess.’

Yvonne shook her head. ‘Sleeping Beauty is a tragic story. I mean, the whole pricking of a finger on a spinning wheel, we all know what that really means.’

‘We do?’ I asked.

‘She was raped,’ Yvonne announced.

I looked round the room at parents struggling to hold it together. Will actually looked up from his phone.

‘What the fuck?’ is all he breathed into my ear.

Yvonne sighed. ‘The poor girl spiralled into a towering depression from which only medication – symbolised by a kiss – could rescue her from. It’s a terrible story where even if you don’t understand the deeper message it perpetuates some pretty disturbing ideas about consent.’

Rochelle raised her hand. ‘I guess you feel the same about Snow White? I do agree that fairy tales really shouldn’t romanticise the idea that it is acceptable for men to kiss unconscious women.’

Weather Mum shot her a filthy look.

Yvonne nodded at Rochelle. ‘I’m afraid it goes so much deeper than that with Snow White. It’s really a commentary on how the patriarchy represses women.’

Will chuckled. ‘I thought it was all just nice songs and little people.’

Yvonne ignored him. ‘The talking mirror is male – the evil queen’s actions are in response to toxic masculinity ranking women by their looks and pitting them against each other.’

We were all silent as we digested this.

‘So . . . so . . . the evil queen is not a baddie?’ asked Rochelle, pen poised over her notebook.