‘Because we’re both her parents. Because anything that’s deemed important enough for a letter from her headteacher we should go to. Especially considering since BiteGate we have some making up to do.’

‘She hasn’t chomped on anyone else, has she?’ Will couldn’t keep the laugh out of his voice. He didn’t seem to take Gigi’s violent lashing out as seriously as me.

‘Thankfully not.’

‘Will Rochelle be there?’

I turned round to look at him. ‘Why? Do you want her to be?’

‘You jealous?’

‘Please. I’d like to think you’d have better taste than a fawning lapdog.’

‘Because of course men hate it when women tell them how brilliant they are and make them feel good about themselves by being transfixed by everything they say.’

‘Right.’

‘Yes, what we really love is being mostly ignored, never getting a straight answer and being left alone for long evenings while they’re out doing who knows what with who knows whom.’ He pulled on his coat and headed out the door.

It seemed we continued to be in a bad place. And Will now thought it was OK to go through my phone looking for answers to questions he hadn’t asked me yet.

*

Upon arrival at Gigi’s nursery we were immediately accosted by Ms Yvonne telling us that we were not to leave without Gigi’s runner bean plant. ‘These plants teach the children important lessons about nurturing and growth.’

I took in the plastic cup with a wilted bit of greenery stuck in some soil and kitchen roll and resisted the urge to add, ‘And the inevitability of death.’

We headed through to take our seats. I noted how Rochelle was, of course, seated right at the front. She cut off her conversation with the woman next to her to give an enthusiastic wave to Will, and a less enamoured one to me once I walked in front of him. I looked round the pokey Portakabin packed full of parents crouched into small children-sized chairs and spotted Camilla in the row behind Rochelle. No Frederick. I was relieved. I tried not to think too much into why I didn’t want Will and Frederick to meet.

The only empty chairs left were a few over from Rochelle in the front row. So now not only did we have to sit through the talk but we were right in front of Ms Yvonne and couldn’t get away with checking our emails in the boring bits.

*

After an excruciating hour, where I mostly learned I had no idea how to pronounce the alphabet phonetically, the Early Learning talk was finally finishing. We were all getting up to make a break for the door when Weather Mum put up her hand.