‘And then, that Christmas, the Christmas of ’eighty-one, he changed his mind. He told me he’d been to see his parents and realised he couldn’t abandon the priesthood. One of his brothers had trained to be a priest but had left before being ordained. Leo said his parents were old and that his vocation was what kept them going. “If I left, it would be the death of them,” he said.’ She paused. ‘Christ, that Christmas was grim. I was in shock. Emmet was in bad humour. You were maundering about the place. It was only later that you told us about being bullied at Millmount. The only reason I went to Haulie and Cora’s party was because I hoped to talk to Leo. I was convinced I could persuade him that he was wrong. With hindsight, I was far too keyed up. I was too emotional.’

‘So what happened?’

Nina’s mother turned, ran a hand through her hair. ‘He wouldn’t see sense. In fact, it was worse than that. He said we should probably cool it for a while. There was a danger, he claimed, that people would gossip about us. I kept on at him. I kept telling him he was making a mistake, that we deserved to be together. My life wouldn’t be worth living, I said, if I had to stay with my husband.’ Her words were pouring out now, no space between them, no pause for breath. ‘I was upset. I was seething. I begged him to think again. It got heated, and he threw his glass against the wall. I pushed him but I didn’t mean to hurt him. I swear I didn’t. He toppled back and hit his head against a cupboard. I didn’t know what to do. There was nothing I could do. You’ve got to believe me. The last thing I would have wanted was to hurt him.’

She walked back to the sofa and sat down again, as though all her energy was spent.

Nina gripped the edge of her chair. ‘So you just ran away and left him on the floor? Did you not see that he was in trouble?’

‘You’ve got to realise, Nina, I was petrified. I was in a state of panic. I was shaking. Everything had happened so quickly. When I got back to the front room no one seemed to notice. Everyone had been drinking. There was music and chatter and a raucous sort of atmosphere. If it had been quiet, if there had been fewer people, I could never have hidden the state I was in. Plus, and you’ll have to take my word on this, I had no idea Leo was so seriously injured.’

‘Before long you did.’

‘Yes.’

‘Did it not occur to you that you could have prevented his death? That if you’d fetched Dad, you might have been able to save him?’