There would be no way to explain it to DC Gibbs, and no point trying, but I was relieved as well as alarmed to have worked out the truth about myself. In the two or three nights after Gibbs asked me to reconstruct my old tour minus all the laughs, I had some horrible nightmares in which some of the theatres I’d gigged in and the hotels I’d stayed in had become entangled with other scenes I’d been happy to leave behind: a screaming row Drew and I once had that I never thought about because I couldn’t bear to, except that in my dream it took place in the lift I once found myself in on tour, with the manufacturer’s name, ‘Schindler’, emblazoned across its interior wall. This prompted many comments about how you shouldn’t really joke, should you, but it was rather an unfortunate name for a lift, wasn’t it? Another of my nightmares featured Sarah Durdy, my best enemy, after the Dorian-from-the-tennis-club incident.In the dream, Sarah patiently tried to convince me that, yes, you could do something wrong over and over again for as long as possible, then turn round and say, ‘Sorry!’ to the person you’d hurt and would still be hurting if opportunity allowed, and yes, really, you were truly sorry and would never do it again – unless of course you got the chance to. Dream Kim found both Sarah’s explanation and her contrition unconvincing, and told her so. Our showdown took place in the foyer of an old music-hall-style theatre I once played (God knows where), with elaborately patterned floor tiles, in front of the audience that had paid to see my gig.

Worst of all was the nightmare in which my grandmother climbed on stage halfway through my set at St George’s Hall in Bradford (this time I remembered the venue) and shouted to the audience, ‘Will one of you take her? We don’t want her!’

Going back wasn’t safe for someone like me. I could only cope if I looked determinedly ahead. And then I realised I had the answer to another of Gibbs’ questions: why don’t I fear the future, especially when it might contain my murder at the hands of Billy Dead Mates?