As he reads he finds that the book covers everything from the psychological impact of BDSM play, to examples of types of play, to tips on specific techniques, to suggestions for cleaning up after scenes. It’s short but thorough.

There’s even a section that describes the appeal of being a submissive that Rowan reads carefully and makes a mental note to ask Mal about later on. It talks about how a person could find enjoyment in essentially becoming subservient to another and to willingly subject themselves to some sort of pain or discomfort for the sake of physical and mental sexual gratification.

He thinks about Mal asking him to be rough. Be mean.

Admittedly after the spike of arousal had subsided, Rowan had been concerned about Mal asking for him to treat him that way. Namely he’d been concerned about wanting to do that to him. Do that for him as much as for himself. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that what the book is saying very much holds true to himself regarding his desires—that they come from a good place, not from a dark place.

It’s not a long read. He’s nearly finished by dinnertime, partly due to him skimming or entirely skipping the portions of the book detailing things that he and Mal had already agreed they weren’t into: pet play, golden showers, and other things that Mal had aptly described as “weird shit” during their first talk.

Different appetites, whatever. Not for the first time, he’s glad they’re on pretty much the same page when it comes to their interests.

There is one part that gives him pause over all the rest, though. Makes him sweat a bit and shift his weight back and forth on the couch.

One bullet in a long list of things you should do with your partner before your first scene; many of which he and Mal had done, but one that Rowan hadn’t really known about and that Mal didn’t bring up.

Talking about any psychological problems.

While the book mentions claustrophobia as an example, Rowan’s mind obviously jumps straight to the diagnoses he’s been dealing with since he was a teenager.

Depression. Later, PTSD. Touch of anxiety.

His heart races, the steady throb of which he can feel in his fingertips. He barely knows Mal, but does he have to tell him about this? Does he owe it to him? Is it unfair to either of them for Rowan to hide it? After all he’s stable, hasn’t had a major episode in at least a year, and stays on top of his shit. Keeps all his emotional ducklings in a row and checks in on himself more than his overbearing but well-meaning siblings had when he was younger and out of control.