Chapter 11: Choke Me

ROWAN AND Mal bask in the afterglow of their scene, sated and warm and utterly spent.

It’s been two weeks since Rowan bottomed, three since he told Mal about his depression, and he feels better than ever. They’ve been taking things easy the past two weeks, their scenes more praise than degradation or humiliation. More intimate too. Soft touches and free-falling whimpers and so, so much emotion that it makes Rowan’s heart swell almost painfully in his chest.

Rowan wants so badly to tell Mal how he feels. He’s sure now that Mal feels something for him, so there isn’t really that lingering inkling of doubt anymore, but something still holds him back. It’s mostly to do with the fact that Mal hasn’t made a move yet to initiate anything more. He’s definitely the bolder of the two, at least when it comes to sexual things, so Rowan thought that would translate to romantic things as well.

So often during their scenes or their now-frequent phone calls, the words are on the tip of his tongue. He’s so close to blurting out I’m in love with you nearly every time he sees Mal that it’s becoming a real problem. He’s bitten his tongue more times than he can count to stop it from slipping out without his permission.

But would it be so bad? Would Mal react badly? Shove him away with a scoff and a look of disgust? Or would he welcome him into his arms and cradle his face and kiss him till he’s breathless?

Despite how intimately Rowan can confidently say that he knows Mal after months of scening—after months of friendship—he honestly can’t predict how he might react. And that’s what scares him most of all. What makes him bite his lips and tongue and the inside of his cheeks until they’re raw and red. The not knowing.

THEY’RE AT the diner, enjoying a well-deserved dinner, when Mal says something that makes Rowan’s heart stop in his chest.

“I want you to choke me.”

“What?”

“We’ve been dancin’ around it for months, man. I can tell you wanna do it as bad as I want you to do it.”

“Mal, we can’t—” Rowan starts, about to remind Mal of the club’s rules against choking and breath play which he clearly very well knows, when Mal cuts him off.

“Come over.”

And Rowan’s…. Rowan’s brain stops. Because did Mal just ask him to…?

“Come… over? Like to your apartment?”

Mal rolls his eyes, but Rowan can tell it’s in that fond way of his. When Rowan’s being an idiot and doesn’t realize it. “Yeah, dumbass.”