ERMENGARDE:

But—but—here I am. And that’s my baggage.

COOK:

Well, I’ll tell Miss Van Huysen who you think you are, but she won’t like it.

Exits.

AMBROSE:

You’ll be all right now, Ermengarde. I’d better go before she sees me.

ERMENGARDE:

Oh, no. You must stay. I feel so strange here.

AMBROSE:

I know, but Mr. Vandergelder will be here in a minute. . . .

ERMENGARDE:

Ambrose, you can’t go. You can’t leave me in this crazy house with those drunken men in the hall. Ambrose . . . Ambrose, let’s say you’re someone else that my uncle sent down to take care of me. Let’s say you’re—you’re Cornelius Hackl!

AMBROSE:

Who’s Cornelius Hackl?

ERMENGARDE:

You know. He’s chief clerk in Uncle’s store.

AMBROSE:

I don’t want to be Cornelius Hackl. No, no, Ermengarde, come away with me now. I’ll take you to my friend’s house. Or I’ll take you to Mrs. Levi’s house.

ERMENGARDE:

Why, it was Mrs. Levi who threw us right at Uncle Horace’s face. Oh, I wish I were back in Yonkers where nothing ever happens.

Enter MISS VAN HUYSEN.

MISS VAN H.:

What’s all this I hear? Who do you say you are?

ERMENGARDE:

Aunt Flora . . . don’t you remember me? I’m Ermengarde.

MISS VAN H.:

And you’re Mr. Vandergelder’s niece?

ERMENGARDE:

Yes, I am.

MISS VAN H.:

Well, that’s very strange indeed, because he has just sent me another niece named Ermengarde. She came with a letter from him, explaining everything. Have you got a letter from him?

ERMENGARDE:

No . . .

MISS VAN H.:

Really!—And who is this?

ERMENGARDE:

This is Cornelius Hackl, Aunt Flora.

MISS VAN H.:

Never heard of him.

ERMENGARDE:

He’s chief clerk in Uncle’s store.

MISS VAN H.:

Never heard of him. The other Ermengarde came with the man she’s in love with, and that proves it. She came with Mr. Ambrose Kemper.

AMBROSE:

Shouts.

Ambrose Kemper!

MISS VAN H.:

Yes, Mr. Hackl, and Mr. Ambrose Kemper is in the kitchen there now with his feet in the oven.

ERMENGARDE starts to cry. MISS VAN HUYSEN takes her to the sofa. They both sit.

Dear child, what is your trouble?

ERMENGARDE:

Oh, dear. I don’t know what to do.

MISS VAN H.:

In a low voice.

Are you in love with this man?

ERMENGARDE:

Yes, I am.

MISS VAN H.:

I could see it—and are people trying to separate you?

ERMENGARDE:

Yes, they are.

MISS VAN H.:

I could see it—who? Horace Vandergelder?

ERMENGARDE:

Yes.

MISS VAN H.:

That’s enough for me. I’ll put a stop to Horace Vandergelder’s goings on.

MISS VAN HUYSEN draws AMBROSE down to sit on her other side.

Mr. Hackl, think of me as your friend. Come in the kitchen and get warm. . . .

She rises and starts to go out.

We can decide later who everybody is. My dear, would you like a good hot bath?

ERMENGARDE:

Yes, I would.

MISS VAN H.:

Well, when Ermengarde comes out you can go in.