As he leans over to take the money, he sneezes. Both return to their hiding places in alarm; then emerge again.

My, all those perfumes in that cupboard tickle my nose! But I like it in there . . . it’s a woman’s world, and very different.

BARNABY:

I like it where I am, too; only I’d like it better if I had a pillow.

CORNELIUS:

Taking coat from wardrobe.

Here, take one of these coats. I’ll roll it up for you so it won’t get mussed. Ladies don’t like to have their coats mussed.

BARNABY:

That’s fine. Now I can just lie here and hear Mr. Vandergelder talk.

CORNELIUS goes slowly above table towards cheval mirror, repeating Mrs. Molloy’s line dreamily:

CORNELIUS:

This summer we’ll be wearing ribbons down our back. . . .

BARNABY:

Can I take off my shoes, Cornelius?

CORNELIUS does not reply. He comes to the footlights and addresses the audience, in completely simple naïve sincerity:

CORNELIUS:

Isn’t the world full of wonderful things. There we sit cooped up in Yonkers for years and years and all the time wonderful people like Mrs. Molloy are walking around in New York and we don’t know them at all. I don’t know whether—from where you’re sitting—you can see—well, for instance, the way

He points to the edge of his right eye.

her eye and forehead and cheek come together, up here. Can you? And the kind of fireworks that shoot out of her eyes all the time. I tell you right now: a fine woman is the greatest work of God. You can talk all you like about Niagara Falls and the Pyramids; they aren’t in it at all. Of course, up there at Yonkers they came into the store all the time, and bought this and that, and I said, “Yes, ma’am,” and “That’ll be seventy-five cents, ma’am”; and I watched them. But today I’ve talked to one, equal to equal, equal to equal, and to the finest one that ever existed, in my opinion. They’re so different from men! Everything that they say and do is so different that you feel like laughing all the time.

He laughs.

Golly, they’re different from men. And they’re awfully mysterious, too. You never can be really sure what’s going on in their heads. They have a kind of wall around them all the time—of pride and a sort of play-acting: I bet you could know a woman a hundred years without ever being really sure whether she liked you or not. This minute I’m in danger. I’m in danger of losing my job and my future and everything that people think is important; but I don’t care. Even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I’ll be a ditch digger who once had a wonderful day.

Barnaby!

BARNABY:

Oh, you woke me up!

CORNELIUS:

Kneels.

Barnaby, we can’t go back to Yonkers yet and you know why.

BARNABY:

Why not?

CORNELIUS:

We’ve had a good meal. We’ve had an adventure. We’ve been in danger of getting arrested. There’s only one more thing we’ve got to do before we go back to be successes in Yonkers.