AMBROSE:

Yes, I do.

MRS. LEVI:

New York should be a very happy city, Mr. Kemper, but it isn’t. My late husband came from Vienna; now there’s a city that understands this. I want New York to be more like Vienna and less like a collection of nervous and tired ants. And if you and Ermengarde get a good deal of Mr. Vandergelder’s money, I want you to see that it starts flowing in and around a lot of people’s lives. And for that reason I want you to come with me to the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant tonight.

Enter ERMENGARDE.

ERMENGARDE:

Mrs. Levi, Uncle Horace is coming.

MRS. LEVI:

Mr. Kemper, I think you’d better be going. . . .

AMBROSE crosses to trap door and disappears down the ladder, closing trap as he goes.

Darling girl, Mr. Kemper and I have had a very good talk. You’ll see: Mr. Vandergelder and I will be dancing at your wedding very soon—

Enter VANDERGELDER at back. He has now added a splendid plumed hat to his costume and is carrying a standard or small flag bearing the initials of his lodge.

Oh, Mr. Vandergelder, how handsome you look! You take my breath away. Yes, my dear girl, I’ll see you soon.

Exit ERMENGARDE back center.

Oh, Mr. Vandergelder, I wish Irene Molloy could see you now. But then! I don’t know what’s come over you lately. You seem to be growing younger every day.

VANDERGELDER:

Allowing for exaggeration, Mrs. Levi. If a man eats careful there’s no reason why he should look old.

MRS. LEVI:

You never said a truer word.

VANDERGELDER:

I’ll never see fifty-five again.

MRS. LEVI:

Fifty-five! Why, I can see at a glance that you’re the sort that will be stamping about at a hundred—and eating five meals a day, like my Uncle Harry. At fifty-five my Uncle Harry was a mere boy. I’m a judge of hands, Mr. Vandergelder—show me your hand.

Looks at it.

Lord in heaven! What a life line!

VANDERGELDER:

Where?

MRS. LEVI:

From here to here. It runs right off your hand. I don’t know where it goes. They’ll have to hit you on the head with a mallet. They’ll have to stifle you with a sofa pillow. You’ll bury us all! However, to return to our business—Mr. Vandergelder, I suppose you’ve changed your mind again. I suppose you’ve given up all idea of getting married.

VANDERGELDER:

Complacently.

Not at all, Mrs. Levi. I have news for you.

MRS. LEVI:

News?

VANDERGELDER:

Mrs. Levi, I’ve practically decided to ask Mrs. Molloy to be my wife.

MRS. LEVI:

Taken aback.

You have?

VANDERGELDER:

Yes, I have.

MRS. LEVI:

Oh, you have! Well, I guess that’s just about the best news I ever heard. So there’s nothing more for me to do but wish you every happiness under the sun and say good-by.

Crosses as if to leave.

VANDERGELDER:

Stopping her.

Well—Mrs. Levi—Surely I thought—

MRS. LEVI:

Well, I did have a little suggestion to make—but I won’t. You’re going to marry Irene Molloy, and that closes the matter.