VANDERGELDER:

Spelling.

W-I-N-E.

RUDOLPH:

Wine.

VANDERGELDER:

Wine! And I want this table removed. We’ll eat at that table alone.

Exit RUDOLPH through service door at back.

MALACHI:

There are some people coming in here now, Mr. Vandergelder.

VANDERGELDER goes to back right to look at the newcomers.

VANDERGELDER:

What! Thunder and damnation! It’s my niece Ermengarde! What’s she doing here?!—Wait till I get my hands on her.

MALACHI:

Running up to him.

Mr. Vandergelder! You must keep your temper!

VANDERGELDER:

And there’s that rascal artist with her. Why, it’s a plot. I’ll throw them in jail.

MALACHI:

Mr. Vandergelder! They’re old enough to come to New York. You can’t throw people into jail for coming to New York.

VANDERGELDER:

And there’s Mrs. Levi! What’s she doing with them? It’s a plot. It’s a conspiracy! What’s she saying to the cabman? Go up and hear what she’s saying.

MALACHI:

Listening at entrance, right.

She’s telling the cabman to wait, Mr. Vandergelder. She’s telling the young people to come in and have a good dinner, Mr. Vandergelder.

VANDERGELDER:

I’ll put an end to this.

MALACHI:

Now, Mr. Vandergelder, if you lose your temper, you’ll make matters worse. Mr. Vandergelder, come here and take my advice.

VANDERGELDER:

Stop pulling my coat. What’s your advice?

MALACHI:

Hide, Mr. Vandergelder. Hide behind this screen, and listen to what they’re saying.

VANDERGELDER:

Being pulled behind the screen.

Stop pulling at me.

They hide behind the screen as MRS. LEVI, ERMENGARDE and AMBROSE enter from the right. AMBROSE is carrying Ermengarde’s luggage.

ERMENGARDE:

But I don’t want to eat in a restaurant. It’s not proper.

MRS. LEVI:

Now, Ermengarde, dear, there’s nothing wicked about eating in a restaurant. There’s nothing wicked, even, about being in New York. Clergymen just make those things up to fill out their sermons.

ERMENGARDE:

Oh, I wish I were in Yonkers, where nothing ever happens!

MRS. LEVI:

Ermengarde, you’re hungry. That’s what’s troubling you.

ERMENGARDE:

Anyway, after dinner you must promise to take me to Aunt Flora’s. She’s been waiting for me all day and she must be half dead of fright.

MRS. LEVI:

All right but of course, you know at Miss Van Huysen’s you’ll be back in your uncle’s hands.

AMBROSE:

Hands raised to heaven.

I can’t stand it.

MRS. LEVI:

To Ambrose.

Just keep telling yourself how pretty she is. Pretty girls have very little opportunity to improve their other advantages.

AMBROSE:

Listen, Ermengarde! You don’t want to go back to your uncle Stop and think! That old man with one foot in the grave!

MRS. LEVI:

And the other three in the cash box.

AMBROSE:

Smelling of oats—

MRS. LEVI:

And axle grease.

MALACHI:

That’s not true. It’s only partly true.

VANDERGELDER:

Loudly.

Hold your tongue! I’m going to teach them a lesson.

MALACHI:

Whisper.

Keep your temper, Mr. Vandergelder. Listen to what they say.

MRS. LEVI:

Hears this; throws a quick glance toward the screen; her whole manner changes.

Oh dear, what was I saying? The Lord be praised, how glad I am that I found you two dreadful children just as you were about to break poor dear Mr. Vandergelder’s heart.