COOK:

Why, there they are, ma’am, right there in your hand.

MISS VAN H.:

Goodness! How did they get there? I won’t inquire. Stranger things have happened!

COOK:

I suppose Mr. Vandergelder was sending her down with someone?

MISS VAN H.:

Two can go astray as easily as . . .

She sneezes.

COOK:

God bless you!

Runs to window.

Now, here’s a carriage stopping.

The doorbell rings.

MISS VAN H.:

Well, open the door, Cook.

COOK exits.

It’s probably some mistake . . .

Sneezes again.

God bless you!

Sounds of altercation off in hall.

It almost sounds as though I heard voices.

CORNELIUS:

Off.

I don’t want to come in. This is a free country, I tell you.

CABMAN:

Off

Forward march!

MALACHI:

Off.

In you go. We have orders.

CORNELIUS:

Off.

You can’t make a person go where he doesn’t want to go.

Enter MALACHI, followed by COOK. The CABMAN bundles BARNABY and CORNELIUS into the room, but they fight their way back into the hall. CORNELIUS has lost Mrs. Molloy’s coat, but BARNABY is wearing Minnie’s clothes.

MALACHI:

Begging your pardon, ma’am, are you Miss Van Huysen?

MISS VAN H.:

Yes, I am, unfortunately. What’s all this noise about?

MALACHI:

There are two people here that Mr. Vandergelder said must be brought to this house and kept here until he comes. And here’s his letter to you.

MISS VAN H.:

No one has any right to tell me whom I’m to keep in my house if they don’t want to stay.

MALACHI:

You’re right, ma’am. Everybody’s always talking about people breaking into houses, ma’am; but there are more people in the world who want to break out of houses, that’s what I always say.—Bring them in, Joe.

Enter CORNELIUS and BARNABY being pushed by the CABMAN.

CORNELIUS:

This young lady and I have no business here. We jumped into a cab and asked to be driven to the station and these men brought us to the house and forced us to come inside. There’s been a mistake.

CABMAN:

Is your name Miss Van Huysen?

MISS VAN H.:

Everybody’s asking me if my name’s Miss Van Huysen. I think that’s a matter I can decide for myself. Now will you all be quiet while I read this letter?. . . “This is Ermengarde and that rascal Ambrose Kemper . . .” Now I know who you two are, anyway. “They are trying to run away . . .” Story of my life. “Keep them in your house until I come.” Mr. Kemper, you have nothing to fear.

To Cabman.

Who are you?

CABMAN:

I’m Joe. I stay here until the old man comes. He owes me fifteen dollars.

MALACHI:

That’s right, Miss Van Huysen, we must stay here to see they don’t escape.

MISS VAN H.:

To Barnaby

My dear child, take off your things. We’ll all have some coffee.

To Malachi and cabman.

You two go out and wait in the hall. I’ll send coffee out to you. Cook, take them.