“Oh, speed dating? Yeah. Me neither. But now that we’re here, tell me about yourself.”

“My friend actually told me about this, so I thought I would check it out,” he continued, seemingly distracted.

“Same. So tell me, what is—”

“You know, I always thought people who attended these things were weird.”

“Really?” Really?

“I mean, the whole idea of speed dating is only for people who can’t meet someone on their own, you know?”

“That’s not . . . true.” I frowned. I hadn’t met anyone I connected with in real life. Did that make me weird?

“Oh, I mean, it’s cool.” He shrugged. “I’m not saying this applies to everyone, obviously.” His eyes wandered to the left behind me. “I’m just saying it’s a little weird, that’s all.”

“Maybe we should talk about something else—” I said as Suitor #3 ducked under the table. “What are you doing?” I asked as he bumped against my leg.

“Shhh,” he hissed. “They’ll see me.”

“Who?” I whispered, turning around.

“I think I just saw someone I know.” He shifted underneath the table, lifting up the legs. Tania looked over at me as the whole table tilted to the right. I pointed to my date and shrugged, perplexed. “Let’s just keep talking,” he called out, his voice muffled under the tablecloth. Keep talking? With who? The empty seat across from me?

“Can you just come back up?” I pulled my leg back as he accidentally brushed against it again.

“I don’t want them to see me,” he whispered. Who the hell is “them”? I quickly looked around once more for any sign of them. Is it his boss? His ex-girlfriend? The FBI? This is ridiculous.

“Look, can you please—”

“You know, I was just thinking,” he interrupted, his head peeking out from under the corner. “If this actually works out between us, we shouldn’t tell people how we met.”

“We shouldn’t?”

“No, let’s just tell them we met at a coffee shop or something. That’s less weird.”

“Less weird,” I said as he popped back underneath. “Sure.”

BUZZ!

Speed Date #4

“So tell me, Leila, what are you looking for in a life partner?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Someone who’s smart.”

“Yes!” Suitor #4 whispered under his breath.

“Funny,” I said, pretending not to notice.

“Yes!” he whispered.

“Easy to talk to.”

“Yes!”

“Adventurous.”

“Yes!” I could sense the volume of excitement growing with each whisper until I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m . . . I’m sorry, why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?” He looked at me, confused.

“. . . Never mind.”

BUZZ!

Speed Date #5

“Hello, hello!”

“Hello.” I drew in a deep breath and smiled.

“How’s your evening going so far?”

“So far, okay. Yours?”

“Much better now!” Suitor #5 flashed me a confident grin. “So, what do you think of—” His phone began to ring. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen. “I’m sorry, this is my mother calling. Do you mind if I . . . ?” He pointed to the phone.