He sniffed. There was a strange smell in the air, faint but unpleasant. At first he thought it might be gas, but it was too pungent. In fact, it was making him feel sick so, despite the chill, he opened the window. It didn’t help, so he pushed down the sash window, harder than he intended so it closed with a bang. In the bed, Kirsty groaned. ‘What time is it?’

He crawled onto the bed and kissed her hot forehead. ‘Just gone nine.’

‘Bloody hell. We’ve missed the whole evening. Hey, what are you doing?’

‘Lighting an incense stick. There’s a horrible smell in the air.’

He found a packet of lavender joss sticks and lit one, waving it around like a Bonfire Night sparkler, trails of lavender smoke curling to the ceiling and cleansing the room.

Kirsty said, ‘I couldn’t smell anything.’

She got out of bed and stretched her arms above her head. Jamie moved towards her, putting one hand just above her hip, leaning into her.

‘Ooh, your breath.’ She waved him away.

‘Thanks.’ He put his arms around her and kissed her neck.

‘You’ve got morning mouth, Jamie. Even though it is nine pm.’

‘I’ll clean my teeth.’

‘Yes, do that. But I’m getting up now. I’m not in the mood for sex. My stomach still hurts a bit.’

‘It’s not because you’re worried about making noise?’

She tutted. ‘No. For God’s sake, Jamie, I’ve just got a stomach ache.’

‘Alright, there’s no need to snap.’

He walked into the bathroom and cleaned his teeth. He felt guilty, but also concerned. Their sex life had dwindled since the Newtons had sent them the CD. Obviously, there was a lot more to their relationship than sex, but sex with Kirsty was still pretty much his favourite thing in the world and he hated the fact that it had been marred by the worry that they were being listened to every time they did it. They could pretend defiance, but when it came down to it, that knowledge meant they could no longer relax one hundred percent. Those bastards downstairs were clever – he had to give them that. He bet this was exactly the effect they had intended.

He splashed his face with icy water and told himself to snap out of it. What did it matter, anyway? Sex, or the lack of it, was the least of his concerns at the moment. His whole life was going to change. He leaned against the sink, water dripping from his face into the basin. He opened his eyes and caught sight of something running across the bathroom floor.

‘I just saw a real fuck-off spider in the bathroom,’ he said to Kirsty as they stood dressing in the bedroom.

‘What? Where did it go?’

‘Behind the toilet.’

‘And you didn’t try to catch it?’

‘I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.’