‘Just that we thought we were friends and that we should be able to sort out any problems by talking about them. It was a very reasonable letter, except that we made the mistake of mentioning their barbecue. We were trying to make the point that when you live in a flat you have to be willing to put up with a small amount of noise – it’s just the way it is. A little while ago they had a barbecue, which was quite noisy, and went on late, and we stressed in the letter that we didn’t complain about their barbecue, so why should they complain about us? This is what we got back.’

He nodded to Kirsty who handed Dodds the second letter.

‘We got this one this evening. I was so annoyed I went down to try to talk to them, but again they wouldn’t answer the door. So I went down the back steps from our bathroom into their garden. I was just going to knock on the back door. I wanted to talk to them. That’s all.’

‘Lucy came out,’ said Kirsty, ‘shouting and making threats. She said she’d call the police, and after Jamie had tried to reason with her, he came back up the steps. That’s the whole story. Jamie was not trespassing.’

Dodds stood up. ‘OK. Well, obviously we’ll have to speak to Mr and Mrs Newton, but as far as I’m concerned this trespassing thing isn’t worth pursuing. I don’t think going into your neighbour’s garden to talk to them counts as the crime of the year. However, I should remind you that if someone asks you to leave their property, and you don’t do so straight away, they have every right to call the police.’

‘I understand that,’ said Jamie. ‘But what about Lucy and Chris’s harassment of us? What can we do about that?’

Dodds shrugged. ‘The only thing I can suggest is that you keep a log, a record, of what goes on. Keep any correspondence between you, including copies of anything you send to them. In fact, I’d strongly suggest that you stop writing to them – and that if you really do need to write to them you do it through a solicitor.’

‘So you’re not going to do anything?’

‘What can we do?’ said Sutton. ‘They haven’t done anything illegal. They haven’t threatened violence, they haven’t written anything obscene. They’ve just complained about the noise they say you make.’

‘But what about the CD?’ said Kirsty. ‘Surely that’s obscene.’

‘I don’t know,’ smirked Sutton, ‘I haven’t heard it.’

Dodds said, ‘It’s perfectly legal to make a recording within the confines of your own home. People do it all the time if they’re trying to make a case with the Environmental Health people against noisy neighbours.’