Jamie finished blow-drying his hands and paused. He didn’t want to go back to his desk. He had so much work to be getting on with. He had fallen seriously behind recently, putting all his hardest tasks to the bottom of the pile, even though he knew that was the last thing he should do. A software system he had installed at a school in Colindale was playing up and the headmaster had been on the phone urging him to sort it out. Jamie went down to the school and found that the printers only worked erratically, the internet connection was stupidly slow and the system kept crashing. He couldn’t work out what was wrong with it but didn’t want to admit as much, so he tinkered with it and went home. Now, the headmaster was on the phone every day, growing ever more irate. Jamie left his voicemail on and didn’t return his calls. He knew it was only a matter of time before his manager got involved, but the whole thing made him feel sick with weariness. There were more important things going on than the headmaster’s stupid computer system.

He leaned into the mirror and studied the bags beneath his eyes. God, he looked rough – rougher than a cat’s tongue. He stuck out his own tongue. It was white and furry. Gross.

‘You look terrible,’ said Mike, turning around and zipping up his fly.

‘Thanks.’

‘What is it? More problems with your neighbours?’

‘How did you guess.’

Mike shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t know how you put up with it, Jamie, I really don’t.’

Jamie sighed and pushed himself up from the sink. ‘Well what do you suggest I do?’

Mike put his hands up. ‘Hey, don’t get angry with me.’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m just so tired and it makes me irritable.’

‘I understand.’

They were silent for a moment. Mike turned on the tap and rinsed his hands. He turned to look at Jamie and dropped his voice. ‘Look, if you want to sort these two out, get them out of your hair, I might know a couple of people who could help you.’

Jamie stared at him, then laughed.

‘No, don’t laugh. I’m serious.’

‘What do you mean by sorting them out?’

Mike shrugged. ‘What do you think? Scare them a bit. Tell them to leave you alone.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘These blokes I know would be happy to help. And it wouldn’t cost you much. Actually, they owe me a favour so they might even do it for the price of a pint.’

Jamie shook his head. ‘This is like some gangland film. I mean, are these people gangsters?’

Mike snorted. ‘No. They’d love to be described as gangsters, but they’re just a couple of hardmen.’

‘It’s crazy.’