“Shit. Are you okay?” I’m trying to figure out what to do. May pulls on the sleeve of my shirt and points behind her, toward the exit. Obviously we should leave this small, cramped space. Obviously. I’m an idiot.

I take her arm and her body steadies a little. We trace our way back through the tunnel and the maze and out into the main area, with its open spaces and high ceilings. I lead her over to a corner far away from the other shoppers, and she slides down the wall onto the floor. Her breathing is heavy. She lowers her head between her legs, elbows propped on her thighs.

Her back rises and falls, and it sounds like she’s gasping for air. She needs to calm down or she’s going to hyperventilate. I sit down next to her at a total loss, before I realize that doing pretty much anything is better than nothing. I pull her to me and stroke her hair like I do Gwenie’s when she wakes up from a nightmare in the middle of the night.

We sit like that for a few minutes, silent, and May’s breathing slows. I lean my head back against the wall and wonder if this is all my fault.

“I’m so sorry.” Her eyes squeeze together tight, and her voice sounds small and raspy. Most of her hair drapes around her head like a curtain, but some of it’s caught behind her ear, so I can still see part of her face. She looks so young. Not like someone old enough to have gone through the shit that she did.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She chews on her bottom lip. “It’s just…I have this thing with small spaces. I don’t know. I never used to, but now I can’t stand the feeling…it’s like being trapped.”

I don’t know what to say. It’s like when Conor’s uncle, who he was super close to when we were little, died in a horrible motorcycle accident and all I could do was mumble Sorry, man to him. So ineffective. So useless. Story of my life.

I clear my throat. “Is that because…because…” I trail off.

She ducks her head. “Yeah. That day…I was in the closet forever. I don’t even know how long I was in there. It was so small and so dark, and all I could hear were booms and screams, and I was so sure that any second the door was going to open….” Her voice catches and she trails off. Her jaw clenches.

I tighten my arm around her shoulders. There’s nothing I can say that will make it better. I stare out into the main part of the store and think about how I’ll never be able to forgive my mother for her part in all this. Not ever.