I kick myself for having such a lame thought while she’s standing there miserable. I’m a jerk. What I meant to think is that she looks okay, like almost normal again.

“Where do you want to go?” My ears are ringing from the noise of the club, and my voice comes out much louder than I intend.

She shrugs.

“All right…” I pull out my phone and start googling, trying to see if there’s anything worth checking out in wherever-the-fuck-we-are DTLA. “We could try to get into that bar?” I nod my chin in the direction of its entrance, and the bouncer’s scowl deepens. I wince. What am I even talking about? I don’t have a fake ID. God, Zach, stop being such a douche.

She takes one look and shakes her head. I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Okay…let me see….” I’m desperate to come up with a plan before she gets bored or remembers that she’s supposed to hate me. “There’s a place Conor mentioned to me on our way here that’s close. Are you okay to walk? Or should we get a Lyft?” She seems steadier, but I’d rather not have her collapse on me halfway there.

She shifts on her feet and sighs. Then she speaks for the first time since we got outside. It’s like she can’t quite control the muscles in her throat, because her voice rips through the night air. “We can walk!” A look of surprise crosses her face.

I pause for a beat, not quite believing her—not quite knowing what I’m supposed to do. She frowns a little when she realizes that I’m frozen, like she wants to just get a move on. Her hands are balled into fists at her sides, but they’re trembling. She glares at me and then starts walking. I have no choice but to follow. I try to stay close to her, to just let her know I’m here if she needs me.

We walk most of the way in silence, past bars and rundown buildings and an eclectic mix of people: old guys in expensive suits, people waiting in line to see bands play, and lots and lots of homeless people. It’s hot as hell and getting muggy. Clouds gather in the sky, and it looks like it might rain for the first time in forever. May stops several times along the way with her arms wrapped tight around her body, staring up into the sky, listless. Each time, I want to reach out—to ground her with my touch—but I don’t know if that would help her or if she’d freak out and punch me in the face.