Principal Rose-Brady catches my eye as I approach the stage and beckons me over. I’m ready for this. I have it all written down in my notebook—the perfect speech. The one they all want to hear. I was supposed to show it to her yesterday, but I was out. Sick. I perfected my mom’s phone voice years ago.

Behind her, there’s a small group of people lingering around the microphone stand, Anne at its center. The guy standing next to her turns toward me, and I realize that it’s Miles.

A banner hangs over their heads. IN MEMORIAM. The faces of the dead plastered on either side of the words.

I turn away before I see Jordan’s face.

“May. I’m glad you came even though I know you haven’t been feeling well.” Rose-Brady ushers me over to the edge of the group and holds out her hand. “I just need to look at your speech quickly.” I grimace at her but comply. I hand over my notebook. It’s clean and new—I bought it just for this most fucked-up of occasions.

Rose-Brady flips through the pages, skimming the words. After a few beats, she looks up with a pleased expression. “I have to say…I didn’t quite know what to expect, May, but this is lovely. This speech is approved.” She gives me a smile, and then turns to the group, clapping her hands. “All right, guys. We’re starting soon. Everyone ready?”

I force a stiff, fake smile onto my face and nod along with the rest of them. Nervous chatter rises from Anne’s merry band of mourners, but I swallow hard and try to ignore them. I can’t get distracted. There’s too much at stake.

As I wait for everything to begin, Anne comes over and tries to act like we’re friends. Her normal MO. She says hi and puts her hand on my arm. It takes all my willpower not to shove it off and then shove her off the stage.

Thankfully, Rose-Brady grabs the microphone a moment later. It screeches as she taps it, saying, “Testing…testing…” A couple kids snicker in the front row.

She motions for us to line up behind her like a bunch of stupid ducklings. Out in the audience, everyone’s talking and whispering. The energy is almost…excited.

It’s sickening.

It’s like they’re getting off on this shit.

It reminds me of the media after the shooting, how they were all like It’s so awful….What a tragedy, but under their caked-on makeup their eyes were full of glee. What a thrill to have something of national importance to talk about on their crappy local news shows.

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