I didn’t open my eyes to respond. ‘I am,’ I said, without thinking, and that forced me to turn properly to look at him. I’d surprised myself. ‘Crikey,’ I said, with more vim. ‘I actually think I am. I’m properly happy for the first time since everything happened.’

He turned over and sat up to open another couple of beers, handing me one before pulling his knees up beside him and coiling his arms around them. I mirrored him and did the same, still close.

Neither of us spoke.

We looked at the water.

I was far away from my actual life, but closer to my real self than I been in ages. I didn’t even know where my phone was. No emails, no calls or texts. No need to document what was happening, finding a great angle for a photo to upload later – Patrick had his camera for memories. I hadn’t thought about work, and as easily as thoughts of my parents entered my head they left again. I missed Freddie, but I always missed Freddie, even when she was right beside me.

Right now, crucially, I did not miss Alexander. I wouldn’t have been doing this with him. He wouldn’t have lain out on a blanket beside me, reading and sleeping and chatting. He’d have been off on the water doing extreme sports, leaving me to take videos of him on land. Being with Alexander would have been lonely, but being with Patrick I was part of something. He was there with me – actually there. He’d made me a sandwich from the hamper and read me a passage from his book that he’d thought was funny. He’d listened when I talked about the merits of grated cheddar versus sliced in a sandwich, eventually agreeing with me and telling me he’d once heard a very good poem about a cheese and pickle sandwich that we’d have to look up when we got back to the lodge.

I studied his profile. He had this strong, classical nose and a wide smile, his neck a gentle sloping curve into his expansive shoulders. His blond eyelashes were longer than I’d first realized, and he had a way of moving that was graceful but solid, almost like a dancer. It was fact: he was undeniably gorgeous. I hadn’t fully seen that, before. Maybe it was getting to know him made him more attractive as time went on.

‘You okay?’ he asked, without looking at me.

I dragged my eyes back to the horizon.

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Of course.’

We drank our beer.

16

When we got back to the lodge there was a tiny smear of copper inside my swimsuit gusset. My period had arrived. Whatever stress my body had been holding on to, she was finally starting to let go.

‘Annie? Your phone is ringing!’