It was when we were in the air, somewhere over the southern tip of India, the cabin in darkness and everyone snoozing after yet another meal served up by the crew, that I pulled out my notebook. Patrick and I had been and checked out the bar then, back at our seats, had laughed and chatted until we realized we were probably being quite annoying to everyone around us. We’d synchronized watching a movie together and done a lot of staring at the clouds, too. I couldn’t not think about my life when I did that. I couldn’t not let the swell of pride rise up in my chest that not only had I survived the past two weeks, but by being on that plane and enjoying it I was actually close to thriving.

I could allow myself that, couldn’t I? I could let myself do whatever it took to heal? It helped having somebody with me. I really would have boarded alone if Patrick hadn’t shown up, but I was so glad he had. I just felt safe with him. My gut told me we’d travel well together. How long had it been since I’d actually trusted myself? Listened to my gut? It was time to reclaim that. Less head, more heart. More feeling, less over-analysing with thinking.

I flicked through to the first empty page of the notebook and wrote: Vows to myself. My pen lingered over the paper and I thought about what I wanted to say. I looked at Patrick, sleeping, his face lit up by an episode of the TV show he’d closed his eyes in front of. I might not have been able to rely on Alexander, but I sure as hell would make certain that I could always rely on myself from now on. Me, myself, and I – that’s who I could trust. That was the pledge I’d make, no more second-guessing.

From this day forward, I wrote, smiling, I will stop trying to be perfect.

Yes. That was it. Trying to be perfect was impossible, because nobody is ever perfect. No wonder I always fell short.

For better, for worse, I continued, I will throw caution to the wind.

Patrick did that, didn’t he? Because life was too brief, too quick. He was right. It was.

For richer, for poorer … I will say yes to every opportunity that comes my way.

Like Australia. And whatever happened in Australia I’d say yes to as well.

To have and to hold, from this day forth, I commit to my own happiness.

This is my solemn vow.

Forever and ever, Amen.