‘It’s a perfect plan,’ she’d extolled. ‘Totally perfect! We keep making this distinction between the Old Annie you were, and this New Annie you’re going to be, and I’ve got to say, I for one am very encouraging of this. People are supposed to evolve and change. Look at the nice blonde woman who they made a movie about – she travelled the world and discovered herself and got to go to bed with Javier Bardem, and then in real life evolved again to go decide that actually she wanted to be married not to him, but to her best female friend. And I don’t say that because I want you to secretly fall in love with this best female friend.’ She pointed at herself as she said that. ‘I tried the old vajayjay in a threesome with one of the guys from Blue and his PR and it wasn’t for me, but my point is: you deserve to do this YOLO thing. I love this for you! I really, really do.’

She actually didn’t let me get a word in edgeways she was so enthusiastic.

And my parents? They didn’t technically know. I didn’t outright lie to them because I didn’t ever say: I am going to Australia on my own. But I also never told them I was going with Patrick. Freddie knew, though, because I don’t wilfully omit information from my baby sister if I can help it – and I’d used it as a bartering system with Carol.

‘If you do most of the dog-walking and dog-feeding and dog-cuddling so that Mum and Dad don’t have to,’ I’d wagered as I’d dropped her off, ‘I’ll tell you a secret.’

I would have told her anyway, but I needed to ensure she’d help with the dog-sitting as much as possible so that I wouldn’t lose any dog-sitting privileges in the future. There’d be repercussions once Mum and Dad found out I was honeymooning with another man. I could hear Mum’s voice already, rising to a frustrated high pitch as she wondered about the optics of going away with a man who wasn’t Alexander so soon after he’d left me. I knew how her brain worked: she’d worry that people would think I’d been having an affair, and so it was my fault Alexander did a runner. I refused to manage those mental gymnastics on her behalf by quietly slipping away and letting forgiveness set the agenda instead of permission. I was a fully-grown woman, after all. So fully-grown that I was terrified of what would happen on my return, but still.

I was also a bit afraid of what would happen at the airport. I’d told myself that even if Patrick didn’t show up, I’d still get on that plane – come hell or high water.

I hoped he did show up, though.