I glugged at the last of my smoothie, the sound of the last bit of liquid going up my straw making a loud and very unladylike noise.

‘Sorry,’ I said, and he shook his head.

‘What for?’

I’d meant my bad table manners, but it was obvious he didn’t give a damn. He hadn’t even noticed.

‘You could teach me a few things,’ I disclosed. ‘I am having a very physical reaction to everything you are saying right now.’

‘You’re flirting with me!’ he said, making his voice high-pitched and silly.

‘Nooooo,’ I said, embarrassed at the accusation. ‘I didn’t mean it that way.’

His face flickered roguishly. ‘How disappointing.’

I must have been light-headed because of the class, or because I hadn’t eaten properly yet, because suddenly I was dry in the throat and a little bit woozy. I went from watching his understanding, playful mouth talking, to the room closing in on me, bam, just like that.

‘Offft,’ I said, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the wall behind us. ‘I think I might have pushed too hard in there. Wow.’

I inhaled and exhaled deeply for a few breaths.

‘Y’okay?’ he asked. ‘Can I do anything?’

I shook my head, trying to focus.

When I opened my eyes again I said: ‘Breakfast time, I think. That smoothie didn’t even touch the sides.’

I stood up gingerly, depositing my cup in the recycling and pausing to take one more deep breath. I looked at Patrick. He was handsome, I realized. The faint creases on his strong face softened him, his huge height was commanding and assured. He wore a combination of blues and greens that complemented his glistening eyes. His lips were full. Kissable, even. But I honestly hadn’t been flirting. The thought of it made me feel sick. I’d never take a risk again, I was sure of it. Who would want me anyway? My fate was to die an old maid. I knew that much.

‘Until next time, I suppose,’ he said.

I couldn’t place what I thought about the notion of there being a next time. But I still replied, my smile bashful and heart skipping the tiniest of beats: ‘Yes. I’ll be here.’

On the bus home I didn’t even need music to drown out my thoughts. I just watched the world go by, an almost imperceptible smile on my face. I want to be friends with that man, I thought. I was jealous of him, in a funny way. He seemed so relaxed with himself, so content. Had I really once been like that too? Because hanging around him, I could almost believe it.