‘You could never annoy me,’ he replied. He carried on: ‘I was just freaked out, that’s all. After I told you about Mala, I was glad I had and it was the right thing to do, but I think I knew I was starting to catch feelings for you. That’s why I told you. I didn’t want anything to happen without you knowing about her. I don’t tell a lot of women, but … you’re not just any woman, are you?’

‘Aren’t I?’ I teased, and he rolled his eyes.

‘Finish your food and let’s get to this spa,’ he said. ‘I want to be kneaded like a sourdough starter.’

‘Holy hell,’ Patrick said as we walked through the doors. ‘Is this Narnia?’

We stood side by side and took in the majestic sight of the marbled entryway of the spa, with a huge glass panelled back that looked out onto acres of opulent green gardens, the occasional robed human meandering peacefully by.

‘Welcome to Serenity Gardens. You must be Annie Wiig? We’ve been expecting you.’

I opened my mouth to speak but the person behind the desk continued talking.

‘My name is Storm, and my pronouns are they and them. If you need anything today, please ask any member of staff, and do request me personally if you feel called to. You’re booked in for the couples retreat, so here are your robes and you’re in bathhouse ten today. Follow this corridor outside and then you’ll see the signs there.’

Storm did not pause for breath.

‘We’re nudist here everywhere except the main swimming pool, which I’ll mark on the map here—’ They pulled out a laminated map from behind the counter and circled where they meant in red pen. ‘So please do adhere to that. It’s just more sanitary that way.’

Patrick interjected, ‘It’s more sanitary to be nude?’

‘It’s better for your body, yes. Enjoy your stay!’

Slowly we took the map from Storm and headed in the direction we’d been pointed. Neither of us spoke as we navigated the grand corridors furnished with lots of natural light and huge stone pots littered with green plants and exotic-looking flowers.

The inside gave way to outside and it became apparent that the bathhouses were private shacks with changing spaces and a terrace, and would be where our couples massage took place. At the back of the property was an outdoor, open-plan bathing area with a massive jacuzzi and open-air shower.

‘Hello and welcome to Serenity Gardens. My name is Leslie and my pronouns are she and her.’ A young Asian woman with her hair artfully styled into a low bun stood at the door to the cabana, a tall man with what looked like Ma¯ori tattoos beside her.