My mind hummed with a thousand ways to say goodbye, but faced with the sheer exhaustion of uprooting myself, of explaining everything, I simply said, “Yes. I’ll be all right.” A small tug of regret made me hesitate, but my spinning senses urged me forward with the decision. Some were built for night work, for the asylums, but I was not one of them.

When I reached the kitchen again after delivering the trays, someone handed me a bowl of stew, and I wolfed it down, realizing how little I’d eaten that entire day. Likely that was part of the problem.

Before I’d finished, Nurse Branson was whipping off her dirty apron and scurrying over. “I’ve managed a reprieve for you. From now until breakfast—a full night. Hopefully that’ll be enough, yes?”

“No. No, no. What I meant was, I must leave. Go home.”

She eyed me. “The beds here will do quite well for a quick rest.”

“I mean . . . for good. I’m resigning.”

Her frown made my stomach flip. She took me by both arms and steered me to a stool. “I’m afraid we cannot let you do that.” Her eyes searched mine. “It’s just a temporary hold, until your mind clears. Then you may go if you wish, I suppose. Besides, it’s nearly nightfall, and it looks like a storm is coming. You cannot leave now anyway.”

Quicksand. The place was quicksand, and it began to pull me under. “What sort of hold?”

“Well, it seems you’ve been a little out of sorts—said a few odd things. It’s probably just a little overwork, and a rest’ll fix you right up.” Arm looped through mine, she guided me toward the door, pausing to nab a cup of steaming liquid from a sideboard. “A bit of special tea, a nice night of sleep, then we’ll see how you feel.”

“I’m perfectly well. I don’t need any hold, or special tea, just my own bed and home.” I felt jittery clear through to my fingertips, my stomach alarmingly weak.

She dropped my arm and looked me directly in the eyes. “Nurse Duffy was not about last night. In fact, she was serving in the men’s wards with me, filling in for someone else. And there was no music.”

“Perhaps she was lying. Or she got other people to. One never really knows about a person.”

She bristled. “I’ve been here long enough to know my staff. I’m not like the rest, you know. I stay in a place when I says I will, and I know who I can trust and who I can’t. I saw her myself most of the night, and there’s no way she could have done what you said. I doubt anyone else would have taken the time, either.”

“You think I’m imagining it.”