Damian continued to say very little during meetings. Sometimes his silence felt like a black hole sucking energy and light out of the room. But he was never disengaged. His eyes would flit from face to face, as if sizing up everyone’s comments against his own internal value system. He also did this thing where, while keeping his mouth closed, he seemed to clean his teeth with his tongue. I couldn’t tell if it was some kind of macho affect, like a cowboy with a toothpick, or a nervous tick, but either way I had to avoid looking at him while he did it. That said, he was always very gentlemanly, he would make a specific point of saying hello and goodbye to me, and nodding when he agreed with something I said. I could tell on some level he respected me. And I have to say, a part of me was slowly warming to him.

We had a covenant of privacy within the group, in which deeply personal details could be shared with the full knowledge that nothing would leave the room. Trust and honest communication were essential. While Howard and Jo led our meetings, we agreed to make decisions by consensus, and tried to share speaking time as much as possible. We knew we were stronger together than any of us would have been individually in seeking the truth about The Hum, and that our success would hinge on our ability to stick together and overcome our differences. And so we each pledged to do so.

By June of that year, we were meeting five times a week. On nights we weren’t, I would miss the others so much I would spend most of the night messaging them on our group chat. I couldn’t bear rambling around the house alone. Some nights Ashley would reply to my WhatsApp messages, but mostly all I could hope for were the two blue ticks indicating she’d read them. Kyle and I used to message most often, sometimes twenty or thirty times a night, mostly processing things that had come up in the meetings, or sending each other dumb memes—but that all stopped abruptly after the prom after-party. The only messages Paul sent me were angry missives about my living off our joint savings, but what choice did I have? I was still fighting the teachers’ union about severance pay, and considering my options for an unlawful dismissal case, all the while carrying the bills for the house.