“I think I’ll always keep trying,” I said. “I owe that to her.”

“Why don’t we get out of here?” Kurt asked.

“And?”

“Go back to your place. For new times’ sake. Weird on your birthday, I get it. But we really could be good for each other.”

The drinking Marisa likely would have said yes. But sober, I was different, or at least wanted to be. “We tried that the other night.”

“No one likes a quitter.” He winked.

I glimpsed the high school boy who’d once had the world by the tail. I half expected to hear Clare pipe in her two cents, but she was quiet. “Don’t think so.”

He drank. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“I don’t,” I said. “But our ship isn’t meant to sail.”

Suddenly, the bar was too loud and the room too full. Had it changed that quickly since I’d arrived? “I’ve got to go.”

“I thought you came in for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry anymore, and I think what I really wanted was fresh air.” I kissed him quickly on the lips. “Take care.”

Shrugging on my coat, I left the bar. Outside I took one step and glanced back through the window. Kurt rose from his chair and walked to the bar. He took a seat next to a blonde, smiled at her.

The past was lightning in a bottle, as Kurt had said. Impossible to recapture.

26 HIM

26

HIM

THEN

Wednesday, December 5, 2008

9:00 a.m.

I’d thought we had a real connection. Two souls meeting. But you’d not responded to any of my texts or phone calls for two weeks. I’d been furious after the third unanswered text, and then I became worried. What if something had happened to you? Maybe you’d fallen or been attacked outside your home. When I parked outside your place, I waited nearly an hour before you appeared, juggling an overloaded, worn backpack.

I was relieved to see you and then just as quickly annoyed. You’d been busy. But how much effort did it take to return a text?

I followed you and kept a safe distance, trailing you along the interstate into the city, and finally to Main Street Station. The historic building still remained an active train station, with a collection of people dragging suitcases for the Amtrak slowly pulling into the station from the south. Were you leaving town? Running away? What could you be doing here?

Out of the car, I turned up my collar and trailed behind you, mingling into everyone hustling to catch the train as it slowed.

I found you on the second floor, kneeling by a small table where you had set down your backpack. You frowned slightly, just as you had when I’d entered you. Concentration, pleasure, and maybe some pain all blended together.