‘I might do just that,’ he said, also smiling. ‘Unintentionally, of course,’ he added quickly, when he saw his son’s alarm. That was the trouble with being in this state. There was no room for irony or jest. If he said, ‘I’m losing the will to live,’ Imogen would look worried. If he said, ‘Does it really matter if I drink too much at this stage?’ he was being reckless. If he said, ‘I can’t go back to work,’ it was defeatism. Any normal person said these things from time to time, but nobody took them seriously.

Leo got up to clear the tea plates. When he turned from the sink his expression was serious. ‘Dad, this thing with Mum. She absolutely refuses to tell me what it’s about.’ He stopped, his eyes searching his father’s face.

Michael felt himself go rigid. No, he thought instinctively. But Romy’s words rushed back to him again with force. He’d always considered himself fearless, someone prepared to stand up and be counted under any circumstance, and ready to take any calculated risk. But here he was, cowering behind his toxic secret, like a craven sissy, still protected by Romy’s stern compassion, despite his lies. It made him sick to realize what he had become.

Can I do it? he asked himself, panic building in his gut. Leo was watching him. Can I? Every cell in his body screamed, NO. But a persistent voice in his head was egging him on. Go on, Michael. Stop being such a coward and do it. Now.

For another endless moment he hesitated. Then he drew himself up and took a deep breath. ‘Sit down, Leo.’ He waited till his son was seated. ‘I’m warning you, you’re going to be horrified by what I’m about to tell you.’ He stopped, trying to sort the jumble of words in his mind into some coherent package. It felt like a long time before he was able to speak. Leo’s eyes continued to rest on him expectantly and he shuddered inwardly at the pain he was about to cause his son.

Bracing himself, he waded in. ‘The fact is, I assaulted a girl one night. It was a long time ago … but she was young, only sixteen.’ He swallowed hard, realizing he was twisting his bad hand painfully in the other. Leo was frowning. ‘I thought, entirely mistakenly, that she was attracted to me … and I went too far.’

His son blinked, ‘You mean …’ He shook his head disbelievingly. After a long pause he added, his voice quiet with shock, ‘Who was she?’

‘Her name is Grace.’

Silence.

‘You … raped her?’

Michael shook his head. ‘No. But I might have.’ He cringed as he spoke. ‘I was unintentionally rough with her.’

Silence.

‘And … Mum just found out?’