Maggie fixed me with a stern look. ‘Barbara here is about to die. Nancy, over there, had trouble last year. I don’t want to lose them both.’

‘No, but…’ I pointed at Nancy. The sheep responded on cue with frantic bleating.

‘Please,’ said Maggie, her eyes looking up at me big and round like Barbara’s but lighter in colour.

Bloody hell, emotional blackmail was all around me. ‘Right. If I look…’ Maggie beamed a victorious smile at me. ‘If I look. What am I looking for again?’ I didn’t know why I was asking because I really didn’t want to hear the instructions repeated but I was definitely only doing it once and I didn’t want to get it wrong.

‘Check the opening. See if you can get a hand in there.’

I retched at the thought of it and Maggie chuckled. ‘Cheers,’ I said but I could see the funny side too.

‘Quickly. Because I need your strength to get this lamb out of Barbara.’

‘Right.’ I jogged down the field to Nancy. The sheep had her head up at an awkward angle and eyed me suspiciously as I neared her. I gave myself a firm talking-to. Maggie has her hand up the other sheep. She’s not asking you to do that. You only need to have a look under its tail and… Eurgh, the thought of it made my stomach churn. Maybe it was best if I didn’t think about it.

‘Right, Nancy. Are you ready?’ I asked. Nancy flicked a back leg, which I took as a positive response. I took a deep breath, and gripped her tail. It was wet and gross and there was something under it.

‘Shiiiiiit!’ I didn’t need to lift her tail up because I could see a giant bubble coming out of her. It was revolting. I dropped the tail and fled back to Maggie.

‘There’s this gross bubble thing coming out of her.’

‘Bloody hell, Nancy! Right. She’s got a few minutes. Can you get hold of this and when I tell you to, you need to pull as hard as you can.’ She handed me two bloodied pieces of binder twine. My hand didn’t want to take it. Maggie offered it again. ‘Oh, come on.’ She was losing her patience.

I did as I was told. It was cold and wet and disgusting. I tried to focus on the lamb.

‘See here,’ said Maggie pointing at the ewe’s nether regions. ‘The lamb has got his leg stuck.’

‘You know it’s a boy?’ I was amazed. I could only see a small patch of white.

‘He’s lazy and he’s got a big head, so it’s just a guess at this stage,’ she said, cocking her head on one side.

‘Funny.’

‘On three. Slow and steady but with force. Got it?’