Maybe it was the smell but something made my eyes go all watery. I don’t know if I would ever be able to explain the feeling – like a giant wave of muddled emotions crashing over me. I always felt happy when I came to the library. It was a time I had Mum to myself. It was the thing we always did together. No matter how busy she was we always went to the library and I loved it. I loved her. All those feelings had come back in a rush. A part of me wanted to run for the door but something inside me wanted to stay. Wanted to turn back time and be that little kid again. Safe and happy.

I remembered the last time I was here with Mum. I could almost picture her scanning the shelves for her favourite authors. I’d chosen a book about dinosaurs along with some others and I wanted to sit down and read them all. I used to read a lot back then. I blinked to clear my eyes and began checking the place out.

A few older women who were sitting around a table paused to see who had come in. I pulled my rucksack off my back and headed for a seat in the far corner, undoing my coat as I went. I sat down and surveyed the library. It was a big space. I remember the layout being different. There was more shelving in the middle to make lots of sections; now it was all open-plan. It was quiet. There was a children’s area where a mother and a little girl were sitting next to each other. They had two piles of books in front of them. The little girl pouted. I could guess what was going on. I was like that when I used to come here with Mum. I wanted to take home all the books, not just what my library card would allow.

I realised I was smiling at the memory and I stopped. I flicked my hair over my eyes and from the safety of my fringe I carried on looking about. The ladies at the table all had copies of the same book in front of them and they were deep in discussion. There used to be an extra high desk where you checked your items in and out. But I had been smaller then so maybe it hadn’t been that high. It had gone, replaced by a wooden podium with a screen on the top. A woman with a blue lanyard was standing there tapping away at a keyboard. I guessed she was the librarian.