‘Help yourself. I’ve not collected today.’ She handed me a proper old-fashioned wicker basket and lifted up a hatch on the side of the wooden chicken house. Inside, resting on straw, like they’d been placed there for me, were three eggs. I put them carefully in the basket, danced around a couple of chickens and followed Maggie. The other chicken house just had two eggs but I was pleased with my haul. As we left the hens I heard a thud. Like someone slamming a gate. Maggie saw me turn.

‘Ah, now, you’ll need to leave your eggs here if you don’t want them scrambled. It’s time to meet Colin.’

Was this the part where it all went a bit horror movie? Did she have a husband locked up somewhere? Or perhaps it was the last person who had wandered by to help? Maybe I’d been reading too much.

We neared the next field and she waved her arm like a royal courtier for me to go ahead. As I neared the gate, which appeared to be held together with string, a sheep with too many horns ran at it full pelt and hit it so hard I thought it was going to splinter into a thousand pieces. ‘Whoa!’ I leaped out of the way, stumbled and landed on my bum.

Maggie laughed. I mean she laughed hard. Proper holding her sides belly laughs. I guess it was pretty funny. Eventually she pulled herself together. ‘Tom meet Colin. He’s a ram on loan but for some reason his farm isn’t in a rush to have him back.’

‘He’s nuts,’ I said watching the animal reverse back and aim his head at the gate ready for another attack.

‘Yep. That’s cade lambs for you.’

‘What’s that mean?’ I asked, getting to my feet.

‘Means he was bottle fed.’

‘Would that not make him more like a pet?’ Colin hurtled towards the gate, hitting it hard and making it shudder.

‘You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But not with Colin here. It means he has absolutely no fear of humans. Contempt, yes, but fear, not a drop. Anyway, that’s the grand tour. I need tea.’ She made for the quad bike.

We headed back towards the house, which was closer than I realised as we’d come a seriously long way round to get there. I was glad she lived in the middle of nowhere because I really didn’t want anyone seeing me with a wicker basket over my arm, sitting on the back of a quad bike, driven by a little old lady.

She stopped in the yard near the back door. ‘I’ll put this away.’ She patted the bike. ‘You could make us drinks. I’ll have a tea please. Tea caddy is near the kettle. Cupboard above it for mugs.’