The look of pain on Tom’s face haunted her. He was the very last person she wanted to hurt. She hated that he’d assumed her son was dead but it had been much easier than to explain why River had been taken into care. She’d fought to keep her baby but at the time she was in no fit state to have parented him properly. It genuinely was his best option – hindsight had reassured her of that.

Maggie had been nineteen and living in a commune. Her alcohol and weed habits were nothing out of the ordinary and completely in step with those around her. It had been an exciting time of new opportunities and cultural revolution and Maggie had been carried along by it. Free love gave her the gift of a baby but she quickly learned that without an identifiable father and a steady income it was going to be a lot harder than she’d imagined. The rich kids of the commune got bored and moved out, taking their income with them, and Maggie got a job fruit picking. It was hard work and with a baby that didn’t feed well and rarely slept she was at her wits’ end.

It was many years later that she realised it must have been her pot habit and the alcohol affecting River. Sadly the worse he became the more she smoked and drank and the vicious circle had continued. Eventually social services came knocking and the baby was taken into care. The next few months were a blur of binges and arguments as she fought against the establishment, which ultimately won. Out of viable options she signed River over for adoption.

The months that followed were her darkest. Lost days. A pain so real it was as if she’d been cut open. Nothing took the edge off. The commune buildings were condemned and she found herself alone with nothing for comfort but cheap booze. A stomach pump and a stay in hospital had introduced her to an alcoholics’ support group and she started a long and bumpy road to recovery. Staying in a woman’s hostel she spent her days in the library and there she found solace. There were friends on the pages of the books. Their worlds whisked her away from the one she couldn’t face. But by now what real life had taught her was that if she let people get close, she got hurt and after River she didn’t feel that she deserved to feel love again on any level. She had set up robust barriers around her broken heart, promising herself she’d not let herself get hurt that way again, and moved forward.