“I’d call it suicide,” said Tedros, yanking at his shorts.

“Calm down, princess. So many kids crammed into this castle that no one knows who’s who anymore,” sneered Hester, fixing the picture of her mother in front of a gingerbread house.

“You’ll both be safe in our room until tonight,” Anadil added, watching two of her rats nuzzle the weak and exhausted third. “Though if ‘Essa’ talks any more in that horrible accent, I might slit her throat.”

“It’s the only way I can keep my voice high!” Tedros fought.

“Makes you sound like a milkmaid from Maidenvale,” said Dot airily, rummaging in the closet. “Daddy likes milkmaids. Kept one in our basement.”

Everyone in the room looked at her.

“Glad you find this funny,” Tedros spat, still clawing at his shorts. “Can’t even think in this stupid body! Whatever spell Merlin used to dye my hair is itching like mad, my backside won’t fit in my pants, my feet are too small, my legs are freezing, and I keep having to pee—”

“At least one thing hasn’t changed,” mumbled Agatha.

Tedros gave her a toxic look. “And who came up with those idiotic names! Edgar and Essa, as if we’re born with croquet mallets in our mouths, sipping tea in Malabar Hills.”

“Names were my idea,” Dot blushed, pulling out of the closet, looking hurt. “Hester let me pick them, on the condition that I got fat again. Said if I was fat like first year and the three of us pretended to love this place, no one would suspect us being spies for Good. We had to help you, of course—first, Agatha’s our friend; second, Aric almost killed Hester and now he’s Dean; and third, we can’t just let the School Master turn the whole school Evil. No point being Evil if there’s no Good to fight, is there? What would we do all day? Eat popcorn and give ourselves pedicures? Besides, I figured if I help you rescue Sophie, maybe I can’t wear these now”—she held up her old skimpy blue bodice from the School for Girls—“but at least I’ll do something with my life and Daddy won’t call me a failure anymore,” Dot said, sniffling. “Spent all our classes trying to think of nice names for you and that’s why my ranks are low and I’m going to end up a plant, but Edgar sounds like Agatha if you say it with a lisp, and Essa rhymes with Tedros if you don’t think too much about it, and I thought you’d be proud of me for doing such a good job.” She blew her nose into the bodice.

Hester, Anadil, and Agatha all glared at Tedros.

“Put yourself in my shoes, Dot,” he said guiltily, itching his hair. “I’m Prince of Camelot, soon to be King if I don’t die first. I came back into the Woods with my princess to rescue our best friend and I didn’t sign up to do it as the girl, all right?”