‘Oh,’ I said, ‘that’s the Quarkbeast. He may look like an open knife drawer on legs and just one step away from tearing you to shreds, but he’s actually a sweetie and rarely, if ever, eats cats. Isn’t that so, Quarkbeast?’

‘Quark,’ said the Quarkbeast.

‘He’ll not harm a hair on your head,’ I said, and the Quarkbeast, to show friendly intent, elected to perform his second-best trick: he picked up a concrete garden gnome in his teeth and ground it with his powerful jaws until it was powder. He then blew it into the air as a dust-ring which he then jumped through. Tiger gave a half-smile and the Quarkbeast wagged his weighted tail, which was sadly a little too close to the Volkswagen, and added one more dent to the already badly dented front wing.

Tiger wiped his eyes with my handkerchief and patted the Quarkbeast, who kept his mouth closed in order not to frighten him further.

‘I hate it here already,’ said Tiger, ‘so I already like it twice as much as the Sisterhood. Did Sister Assumpta beat you when you were there?’

‘No.’

‘Me neither. But I was always frightened that she would.’

And he gave a nervous laugh. There was a pause, and he thought for a moment. I could see there were hundreds of questions going around in his head, and he really didn’t know where to start.

‘What happened to the Great Zambini?’

‘It’s plain “Mr Zambini” these days,’ I told him, ‘he hasn’t carried the accolade “Great” for over ten years.’

‘You don’t have it for life?’

‘It’s based on power. See the one dressed in black over there?’

‘The grumpy-looking one?’

‘The dignified-looking one. Sixty years ago she was Master Sorceress the Lady Mawgon, She-Who-the-Winds-Obey. Now she’s just plain Lady Mawgon. If the background wizidrical power falls any farther, she’ll be plain Daphne Mawgon and no different to you or me. Watch and learn.’

We stood there for a moment.

‘The fat one looks as though he’s playing a harp,’ said Tiger, with a lot less respect than he should have shown.

‘He’s the once-venerable Dennis Price,’ I told him testily, ‘and you should learn to hold your tongue. Price’s nickname is “Full”. He has a brother called David, but we all call him “Half”.’

‘Whatever his name, he still looks like he’s playing an invisible harp.’

‘We call it harping because the hand movements that precede the firing of a spell look like someone trying to play an invisible harp.’

‘I’d never have guessed. Don’t they use wands or something?’

‘Wands, broomsticks and pointy hats are for the storybooks. Can you feel that?’