“But that won’t work, Lu. A full-time job for you? I just don’t see how we could possibly swing that right now, not without creating chaos. When we have another baby—” His voice was pleading with her, and his eyes were too.

Now it was time for the big one. She had climbed the ladder for a third time; she jumped again. “I don’t want to have another baby, Jeremy.” There.

“Lu! No, please don’t say that.”

“I have to say it. It’s true. I don’t want to. I’m not going to.”

“Lulu.” Jeremy’s voice cracked. “I want three kids so badly. I’ve always wanted three kids. I was always clear about that. So were you! You used to want three kids.”

It was true, long ago she’d said that. “That was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before the whole burden of child care fell on my shoulders. I’m only willing to give up so much anymore, Jeremy.”

His eyes were pleading; his whole body was pleading. “If I could have the baby for us, I would.”

“And I would say, be my guest.” Lu believed that Jeremy thought he meant that, but she also believed that if it came right down to the uncomfortable reality of it he probably didn’t want to perform surgery pregnant, with swollen ankles and distended veins, and then stay home from the hospital for twelve weeks while he milked—sorry, nursed—the new arrival.

He took her hands in his. His long-fingered, sexy surgeon hands, hands that knew how to bring people back to life. “I just want us to want the same thing, that’s all.”

She shook her head. “No, you don’t. You don’t want us to want the same thing; you want me to want what you want. That’s different.” He let her hands drop. She could feel the moment growing beyond its own size—pushing out of its casing, ripping the seams. “Does that mean we can’t be married anymore?”

“I don’t think it means that,” Jeremy said. Jeremy, who never looked scared, looked scared. “Does it?”

What if it did? The flood of hot tears came on so quickly then, and she put her hands to her face.

“Shhhh,” said Jeremy. His arms found her; he wrapped her up the way he used to. Lu couldn’t stop crying. “Shhh,” said Jeremy again. Lu closed her eyes and for just a minute allowed herself to believe they were themselves more than a decade ago. She was sitting on Main Street in Hyannis with a bleeding knee. Their futures were bright. It was all far enough ahead of them that they couldn’t yet get to it. But it was there. They were trying, pulling, reaching for it, arms out, wanting everything.

Chapter 60

MAGGIE

THERE IS AN eerie quiet to the downtown. Maggie is pushing her bike along Water Street with her good arm. Water Street is nearly deserted, and the people who are out are moving with a purpose, looking at the sky or out in the water every now and then. Though there are people on the long white porch of the National Hotel, under the American flags, gathered as if for a movie that will be shown on the surface of the harbor. People love a weather event until it becomes an inconvenience or a catastrophe.