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Chapters (59)
  1. Contents
  2. In Which We Find Ourselves in Hell, but Only Temporarily, So It’s Not All Bad News
  3. In Which We Learn a Little About How Hard It Is to Be in Love
  4. In Which We Delve Deeper into the Bowels of Hell, Which Is One of Those Chapter Headings That Make Parents Worry About the Kind of Books Their Children Are Reading
  5. In Which We Reacquaint Ourselves with Nurd, formerly “Nurd, The Scourge of Five Deities,” Which Was All Something of a Misunderstanding, Really
  6. In Which We Encounter Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs—or Elves—and Rather Wish We Hadn’t
  7. In Which Samuel Is Reunited with Boswell, and We Learn Why One Should Not Trust a Mirror
  8. In Which We Pay a Visit to Mrs. Abernathy’s House. Which Is Nice. Not.
  9. VIII
  10. In Which We Wonder Just How Smart Really Smart People Sometimes Are
  11. In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Elves Embark on a New Adventure
  12. In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs Make an Unpleasant Discovery
  13. In Which Samuel Arrives, and Nurd Departs
  14. In Which Dozy Is the Bearer of Bad News
  15. XIII
  16. In Which We Meet a Ram, and Some Old Friends Are Reunited
  17. In Which the Forces of Law and Order Assert Themselves
  18. In Which Something of the Nature of this World Is Revealed Through Old Ram
  19. In Which Hell Gets Stranger, and the Scientists Grow More Curious
  20. XVII
  21. In Which the True Faces of the Conspirators Are Revealed, and an Ugly Bunch They Are Too
  22. XVIII
  23. In Which Those Who Will Be of Help to Samuel Begin to Come Together
  24. In Which We Encounter Some of the Other Unfortunate Residents of Hell
  25. In Which We Meet the Blacksmith
  26. In Which Nurd Considers Changing His Name to “Nurd, Unlucky in Numerous Dimensions”
  27. XXII
  28. In Which We Learn That There Is Always Hope, as Long as One Chooses Not to Abandon It
  29. XXIII
  30. In Which Mrs. Abernathy Loses Her Temper, and We Meet Up Again with an Unpleasant Personage from Earlier in Our Tale
  31. XXIV
  32. In Which We Speculate on What, If Anything, Might Be Worse Than Evil
  33. In Which a Familiar Odor Sends the Dwarfs’ Spirits Soaring
  34. XXVI
  35. In Which We Learn of the Difficulties in Re-creating the Taste of Something Truly Horrible
  36. XXVII
  37. In Which We Hear a Surprising Confession
  38. XXVIII
  39. In Which Everything Goes Horribly Wrong
  40. XXIX
  41. In Which Various August Personages Put Their Plans in Motion
  42. In Which the Watcher Is Torn
  43. XXXI
  44. In Which We Learn a Little of the Responsibilities of Command, and the Perils of Being Commanded
  45. XXXII
  46. In Which Samuel and Mrs. Abernathy Meet Again, Which Only Delights 50 Percent of Those Involved
  47. XXXIII
  48. In Which a Third Force Intervenes in the Conflict
  49. XXXIV
  50. In Which We Encounter Some Cunning Disguises
  51. XXXV
  52. In Which Battle Commences, and a Rescue Mission Is Mounted
  53. XXXVI
  54. In Which a Certain Someone Wakes Up with a Sore Head
  55. XXXVII
  56. In Which We Get to the “Happy Ever After” Part
  57. XXXVIII
  58. In Which We Discover the Limitations of the Term Happily Ever After
  59. Acknowledgments

Chapter IX:
In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Elves Embark on a New Adventure

Chapter X:
In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs Make an Unpleasant Discovery

Chapter XI:
In Which Samuel Arrives, and Nurd Departs

Chapter XII:
In Which Dozy Is the Bearer of Bad News

Chapter XIII:
In Which We Meet a Ram, and Some Old Friends Are Reunited

Chapter XIV:
In Which the Forces of Law and Order Assert Themselves

Chapter XV:
In Which Something of the Nature of this World Is Revealed Through Old Ram

Chapter XVI:
In Which Hell Gets Stranger, and the Scientists Grow More Curious

Chapter XVII:
In Which the True Faces of the Conspirators Are Revealed, and an Ugly Bunch They Are Too

Chapter XVIII:
In Which Those Who Will Be of Help to Samuel Begin to Come Together

Chapter XIX:
In Which We Encounter Some of the Other Unfortunate Residents of Hell

Chapter XX:
In Which We Meet the Blacksmith

Chapter XXI:
In Which Nurd Considers Changing His Name to “Nurd, Unlucky in Numerous Dimensions”

Chapter XXII:
In Which We Learn That There Is Always Hope, as Long as One Chooses Not to Abandon It

Chapter XXIII:
In Which Mrs. Abernathy Loses Her Temper, and We Meet Up Again with an Unpleasant Personage from Earlier in Our Tale

Chapter XXIV:
In Which We Speculate on What, If Anything, Might Be Worse Than Evil

Chapter XXV:
In Which a Familiar Odor Sends the Dwarfs’ Spirits Soaring

Chapter XXVI:
In Which We Learn of the Difficulties in Re-creating the Taste of Something Truly Horrible

Chapter XXVII:
In Which We Hear a Surprising Confession

Chapter XXVIII:
In Which Everything Goes Horribly Wrong

Chapter XXIX:
In Which Various August Personages Put Their Plans in Motion

Chapter XXX:
In Which the Watcher Is Torn

Chapter XXXI:
In Which We Learn a Little of the Responsibilities of Command, and the Perils of Being Commanded

Chapter XXXII:
In Which Samuel and Mrs. Abernathy Meet Again, Which Only Delights 50 Percent of Those Involved

Chapter XXXIII:
In Which a Third Force Intervenes in the Conflict

Chapter XXXIV:
In Which We Encounter Some Cunning Disguises

Chapter XXXV:
In Which Battle Commences, and a Rescue Mission Is Mounted

Chapter XXXVI:
In Which a Certain Someone Wakes Up with a Sore Head

Chapter XXXVII:
In Which We Get to the “Happy Ever After” Part

Chapter XXXVIII:
In Which We Discover the Limitations of the Term Happily Ever After

Chapter Acknowledgments

The
INFERNALS

In Which We Find Ourselves in Hell, but Only Temporarily, So It’s Not All Bad News

THE PLACE GENERALLY REFERRED to as Hell but also known variously as Hades, the Kingdom of Fire, Old Nick’s Place,1 and assorted other names designed to indicate that this is not somewhere in which you might want to spend eternity, let alone a short vacation, was in a state of turmoil. Its ruler, its dark king, was unwell, and by “unwell” I mean mad as a parade of March hares.