Chapters (59)
- Contents
- In Which We Find Ourselves in Hell, but Only Temporarily, So It’s Not All Bad News
- In Which We Learn a Little About How Hard It Is to Be in Love
- In Which We Delve Deeper into the Bowels of Hell, Which Is One of Those Chapter Headings That Make Parents Worry About the Kind of Books Their Children Are Reading
- In Which We Reacquaint Ourselves with Nurd, formerly “Nurd, The Scourge of Five Deities,” Which Was All Something of a Misunderstanding, Really
- In Which We Encounter Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs—or Elves—and Rather Wish We Hadn’t
- In Which Samuel Is Reunited with Boswell, and We Learn Why One Should Not Trust a Mirror
- In Which We Pay a Visit to Mrs. Abernathy’s House. Which Is Nice. Not.
- VIII
- In Which We Wonder Just How Smart Really Smart People Sometimes Are
- In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Elves Embark on a New Adventure
- In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs Make an Unpleasant Discovery
- In Which Samuel Arrives, and Nurd Departs
- In Which Dozy Is the Bearer of Bad News
- XIII
- In Which We Meet a Ram, and Some Old Friends Are Reunited
- In Which the Forces of Law and Order Assert Themselves
- In Which Something of the Nature of this World Is Revealed Through Old Ram
- In Which Hell Gets Stranger, and the Scientists Grow More Curious
- XVII
- In Which the True Faces of the Conspirators Are Revealed, and an Ugly Bunch They Are Too
- XVIII
- In Which Those Who Will Be of Help to Samuel Begin to Come Together
- In Which We Encounter Some of the Other Unfortunate Residents of Hell
- In Which We Meet the Blacksmith
- In Which Nurd Considers Changing His Name to “Nurd, Unlucky in Numerous Dimensions”
- XXII
- In Which We Learn That There Is Always Hope, as Long as One Chooses Not to Abandon It
- XXIII
- In Which Mrs. Abernathy Loses Her Temper, and We Meet Up Again with an Unpleasant Personage from Earlier in Our Tale
- XXIV
- In Which We Speculate on What, If Anything, Might Be Worse Than Evil
- In Which a Familiar Odor Sends the Dwarfs’ Spirits Soaring
- XXVI
- In Which We Learn of the Difficulties in Re-creating the Taste of Something Truly Horrible
- XXVII
- In Which We Hear a Surprising Confession
- XXVIII
- In Which Everything Goes Horribly Wrong
- XXIX
- In Which Various August Personages Put Their Plans in Motion
- In Which the Watcher Is Torn
- XXXI
- In Which We Learn a Little of the Responsibilities of Command, and the Perils of Being Commanded
- XXXII
- In Which Samuel and Mrs. Abernathy Meet Again, Which Only Delights 50 Percent of Those Involved
- XXXIII
- In Which a Third Force Intervenes in the Conflict
- XXXIV
- In Which We Encounter Some Cunning Disguises
- XXXV
- In Which Battle Commences, and a Rescue Mission Is Mounted
- XXXVI
- In Which a Certain Someone Wakes Up with a Sore Head
- XXXVII
- In Which We Get to the “Happy Ever After” Part
- XXXVIII
- In Which We Discover the Limitations of the Term Happily Ever After
- Acknowledgments
Mrs. Abernathy ignored him, and moved on.
As Ozymuth watched the retreating figure, his laughter slowly ceased. A second form appeared from the shadows, tall and regal. The torches cast light upon his pale features, imperious and cruel. His long black hair was braided with gold, and his clothing was of rich, red velvet, as though blood had been woven into cloth. His cloak, also red, billowed behind him even when the air was still, like a living extension of its wearer. He reached out a bejeweled claw and stroked absentmindedly at one of the dragons, which purred contentedly like a large, scaly cat.
“My lord Abigor,” said Ozymuth, lowering his head in a gesture of utter subjection, which was a very wise idea when in Duke Abigor’s presence, as people who forgot to lower their heads around Duke Abigor often found their heads being lowered for them, usually by having them removed from their shoulders with a large blade.
It is said that Nature abhors a vacuum, but so too does power. When someone falls out of favor with a leader, a line will quickly form to take that person’s place. Thus it was that when Mrs. Abernathy failed the Great Malevolence, a number of powerful demons began to wonder how they might take advantage of her misfortune to promote themselves. Of these, the most ambitious and conniving was Duke Abigor.
“What say you, Ozymuth?” said Abigor.
“She is stubborn, my lord.”
“Stubborn, and dangerous. Her persistence troubles me.”
“Our master will not see her. I have made sure of it. With every chance I get, I whisper words against her into his ear. I remind him of how she failed him. I stoke the fires of his madness, just as you asked of me.”
“You are a loyal and faithful servant,” said Abigor, his voice heavy with sarcasm. Abigor made a note to himself to have Ozymuth banished at the first opportunity once he achieved his goal, for anyone who betrays one master cannot be trusted not to betray another.
“I am loyal to the Great Malevolence, my lord,” replied Ozymuth carefully, as though Duke Abigor had spoken his doubts aloud. “It is better for our master if his lieutenants do not fail him. Or dress in inappropriate women’s clothing,” he added.
Abigor stared at the predatory visage of the chancellor. Abigor was not used to being corrected, however gently. It made him even more intent upon disposing of Ozymuth as soon as he could.
“I will remember you when I come to power,” said Abigor, and he let the double meaning hang in the air. “Our time draws near. Soon, Ozymuth, soon…”