Chapters (59)
- Contents
- In Which We Find Ourselves in Hell, but Only Temporarily, So It’s Not All Bad News
- In Which We Learn a Little About How Hard It Is to Be in Love
- In Which We Delve Deeper into the Bowels of Hell, Which Is One of Those Chapter Headings That Make Parents Worry About the Kind of Books Their Children Are Reading
- In Which We Reacquaint Ourselves with Nurd, formerly “Nurd, The Scourge of Five Deities,” Which Was All Something of a Misunderstanding, Really
- In Which We Encounter Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs—or Elves—and Rather Wish We Hadn’t
- In Which Samuel Is Reunited with Boswell, and We Learn Why One Should Not Trust a Mirror
- In Which We Pay a Visit to Mrs. Abernathy’s House. Which Is Nice. Not.
- VIII
- In Which We Wonder Just How Smart Really Smart People Sometimes Are
- In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Elves Embark on a New Adventure
- In Which Mr. Merryweather’s Dwarfs Make an Unpleasant Discovery
- In Which Samuel Arrives, and Nurd Departs
- In Which Dozy Is the Bearer of Bad News
- XIII
- In Which We Meet a Ram, and Some Old Friends Are Reunited
- In Which the Forces of Law and Order Assert Themselves
- In Which Something of the Nature of this World Is Revealed Through Old Ram
- In Which Hell Gets Stranger, and the Scientists Grow More Curious
- XVII
- In Which the True Faces of the Conspirators Are Revealed, and an Ugly Bunch They Are Too
- XVIII
- In Which Those Who Will Be of Help to Samuel Begin to Come Together
- In Which We Encounter Some of the Other Unfortunate Residents of Hell
- In Which We Meet the Blacksmith
- In Which Nurd Considers Changing His Name to “Nurd, Unlucky in Numerous Dimensions”
- XXII
- In Which We Learn That There Is Always Hope, as Long as One Chooses Not to Abandon It
- XXIII
- In Which Mrs. Abernathy Loses Her Temper, and We Meet Up Again with an Unpleasant Personage from Earlier in Our Tale
- XXIV
- In Which We Speculate on What, If Anything, Might Be Worse Than Evil
- In Which a Familiar Odor Sends the Dwarfs’ Spirits Soaring
- XXVI
- In Which We Learn of the Difficulties in Re-creating the Taste of Something Truly Horrible
- XXVII
- In Which We Hear a Surprising Confession
- XXVIII
- In Which Everything Goes Horribly Wrong
- XXIX
- In Which Various August Personages Put Their Plans in Motion
- In Which the Watcher Is Torn
- XXXI
- In Which We Learn a Little of the Responsibilities of Command, and the Perils of Being Commanded
- XXXII
- In Which Samuel and Mrs. Abernathy Meet Again, Which Only Delights 50 Percent of Those Involved
- XXXIII
- In Which a Third Force Intervenes in the Conflict
- XXXIV
- In Which We Encounter Some Cunning Disguises
- XXXV
- In Which Battle Commences, and a Rescue Mission Is Mounted
- XXXVI
- In Which a Certain Someone Wakes Up with a Sore Head
- XXXVII
- In Which We Get to the “Happy Ever After” Part
- XXXVIII
- In Which We Discover the Limitations of the Term Happily Ever After
- Acknowledgments
And then the creatures from below commenced their attack. Massive tentacles, ridged along their length with sticky, poisonous barbs, shot from the pits, dragging demon soldiers into the darkness. Giant red insects, their jaws capable of swallowing a man’s head whole, poured forth, their palps twitching, their mouthpieces snapping. The arms of the troops were not strong enough to pierce their carapaces, nor was their armor capable of withstanding the force of the insects’ bites. Worms long hidden beneath the earth opened their jaws, and what had once seemed solid ground became a trap filled with teeth, and feet were severed from legs, and heads from bodies.
But some of Duke Peros’s finest soldiers had found solid ground at the edge of the lake bed, and were working their way carefully around the killing field, keeping their enemies at bay as best they could by discipline and force of will. They were halfway around the circumference, from which the surrounding hills rose precipitously like the sides of a volcano, when earth began to fall on their heads from above, revealing neat, round holes in the dusty soil, and webbed claws started to pull at their feet and arms and necks, and the Burrowers began to bite.
And the lake bed, long dry, ran red and black with the blood of demons.
The Watcher, distant yet aware, saw it all. This conflict threatened to tear Hell itself apart, but the Watcher remained uncertain of how to proceed, for the sound of the Great Malevolence’s wailing still carried to it, and it seemed that the cries would never stop. If a king is mad, then what are his subjects to do?38 Without the fear that the Great Malevolence inspired, it was inevitable that his subordinates would begin to fight among themselves, jockeying for power and position. But the threat posed by Abigor was greater than mere disorder, for Abigor was now in open rebellion against his lord.
The mass of demons below continued to swell as more and more of Hell’s denizens flocked to Mrs. Abernathy’s banner. Grand Duke Aym arrived with his twenty-six legions; Ayperos, Prince of Hell, with thirty-six; and Azazel, the standard-bearer of Hell’s armies, took up a position on a great rock and unfurled the flag of the Great Malevolence.
Samuel twisted beneath the Watcher’s feet, gazing out at the gathering forces with a mix of terror and amazement. The Watcher regarded him closely, its eight black eyes like dark planets set against the red sky of its skin. Even though the winged demon was more awful than any of the creatures assembled below, Samuel still found the courage to stare back at it in defiance.
“What are you waiting for?” said Samuel. “Do whatever you’re planning, and get it over with.”
He heard a voice speak in his head, and although the Watcher’s insectlike jaws did not move, Samuel knew that he was hearing the demon’s voice.