Back The Human Division
Chapters (24)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Notice
  4. Dedication
  5. Acknowledgments
  6. Episode One: The B-Team
  7. Episode Two: Walk the Plank
  8. Episode Three: We Only Need the Heads
  9. Episode Four: A Voice in the Wilderness
  10. Episode Five: Tales from the Clarke
  11. Episode Six: The Back Channel
  12. Episode Seven: The Dog King
  13. Episode Eight: The Sound of Rebellion
  14. Episode Nine: The Observers
  15. Episode Ten: This Must Be the Place
  16. Episode Eleven: A Problem of Proportion
  17. Episode Twelve: The Gentle Art of Cracking Heads
  18. Episode Thirteen: Earth Below, Sky Above
  19. Extras
  20. After the Coup
  21. Hafte Sorvalh Eats a Churro and Speaks to the Youth of Today
  22. The End of All Things Teaser
  23. Tor Books by John Scalzi
  24. About the Author

Birnbaum made that face again. Washington laughed. “Mr. Birnbaum, you have more than enough money. For now, at least. What my clients are offering is something much more valuable: the ability to not only climb back up to the position of fame and personal power that you held not too long ago, but to exceed it. You were the number four audio talker in the land once, although not for very long. My clients are offering you a chance to go to number one and stay there, for as long as you want to be there.”

“And how are they going to manage that?” Birnbaum wanted to know.

“Mr. Birnbaum, I assume, given your profession, you know who William Randolph Hearst was,” Washington said.

“He was a newspaper publisher,” Birnbaum said. That was the extent of his knowledge; Birnbaum’s knowledge of American history was solid regarding the founding and the last fifty years, and everything else was a bit of a blank.

“Yes,” Washington said. “A newspaper publisher. In the late 1800s the United States and Spain were warming up for a war over Cuba, and Hearst sent an illustrator to Cuba to make pictures of the event. When the illustrator got there, he sent a telegram to Hearst saying that as far as he could see, there was no war coming and that he was going home. Hearst sent back that he should stay and said, ‘You furnish the pictures, and I will furnish the war.’ And he did.”

Birnbaum looked at Washington blankly.

“Mr. Birnbaum, my clients need someone to furnish the pictures, as it were,” Washington said. “Someone to start a discussion. Once the discussion starts, my clients can take care of the rest. But it has to start and it has to start somewhere other than with my clients.”

“I furnish the pictures and they will furnish the war,” Birnbaum said. “What’s the war, here?”

“Not a real war,” Washington said. “And indeed, what you’d be saying could prevent a real war.”

Birnbaum thought about this. “No money, though,” he said.

Washington smiled. “No,” he said. “Just audience, fame and power. Money often follows those, however.”

“And you can guarantee the first three,” Birnbaum said.

“Furnish the pictures, Mr. Birnbaum,” Washington said, “and the war comes. Pretty damn quickly, too, I would add.”

*   *   *

Birnbaum’s opportunity to furnish the pictures came the very next day.

“Can we talk about world government?” Jason from Canoga Park was saying to Birnbaum. Jason from Canoga Park was one of Birnbaum’s most reliable listeners in that sooner or later everything came back to world government, the fear of world government and how whatever topic was the subject of discussion would eventually lead to world government. You could set your world government clock by Jason from Canoga Park.

“I love talking about world government, Jason, you know that,” Birnbaum said, more or less on automatic. “How is it coming this time?”